Okay so yesterday is one of the hardest days in my journey thus far. While in the Calgary Centre for Spiritual Living’s Mother’s Day Service, great music as usual, inspirational talk, but a void in the heart…or is there?
It has been just 18ish months since my Mum, and best friend, transitioned to Nirvana…and a year before that My Nan, another bestie, tranistioned to Paradise.
I am the deeply spiritual man I am because of their encouragement to discover my own beliefs and path.
I am who I am when it comes to raising my daughter to believe she can do anything because of the women in my life who taught me and showed me that gender roles were only societal constructs.
My heart is open to decisions on life/end of life that probably do not fit with most Christian’s norms because I have walked the Dark Night of the Soul with both these matriarchs.
Yet here I was choking on tears in SAIT Orpheus Theatre, as my son read his books and song along to music, and my wife held my hand, for in the moment as we reflect on the women who shaped our lives and souls, it felt like mine was empty…
Yet my Mum fought hard to be with my family, and her new grandkids. I still remember over hearing her having my wife promise to take care of me while she was in extended care at the Bassano Hospital. I remember the daily phone calls, some good, some talking her into simply waking up the next morning, the long road trips to and fro, and affirming her choice to end/restart treatments…knowing that she knew we loved her deeply.
I still remember the last day, two days before she passed, when she had her miracle day with her grandkids, was able to talk and play a little with my boy and girl so they could always hold in their hearts and not the illnesses that claimed her.
So here I reflect mourning a loss, but as we drive home from SAIT a spark of hope in my heart.
For while my Mum & Nan may have transitioned, the loving qualities of family that shaped me shine through in my beloved, my wife, and the mother of my two babies (three with the fur one)… so yes, my own Mum transitioned, but her love and character lives on in the love shared with my wife, and through her.
No matter when we meet in this world, or where on our journey we are, it is love that truly binds us as family, and whom our mothers are that shape us.
I am a blessed man for the beautfiul matriachs who have shared my journey.