Posts Tagged ‘Son’


It has been a while trying to put together reflections on the Aquarian Gospel or even complete the next installment of Great Crime Fighters Together or even some reflecting I would like to do on last week’s church scripture of salt & light.  Yet it has been a while. The reason? The Universe enjoys curve balls to continue the purging of the past anchors that hold us in port and do not allow us to navigate new waters.

Every so often these curve balls hit from the most unlikely of sources, and at the most unlikely of times. I have written about the struggles of settling back into a UCC congregation as an attendee this past winter-spring, because of the history with the tradition. But comfort comes slowly.

The hard part is not realizing the imprint some of the soul crud has left on my kids. This past Sunday we were celebrating the new ordinations to the Order of Ministry when my son would not focus and was quite emotional. Honestly, unless it is a sad topic, or one around grief/reconciliation this is not his norm for gatherings (and even with the journey of his foot reconstruction, he has been a positive trooper throughout). But I wheeled him into the Narthex (is my Angl0-Cath showing over that one?) to get him to focus on me and his breathing to calm down and see what can be pieced together.

This is when my son broke my heart with what his little soul let out.I ruined your life.” Almost 10 years on in this moment he released that he believed it was his fault I surrendered ordination.

What could I do?

Simply love and tell the truth.

No son, you didn’t.

Hug, kiss the top of his head and hold him.

This is what took me even longer to process through. For I thought I had let it go if you will. But there was a piece of me that rekindled the pain, not from my own path, and a battle of choosing inclusion over titles…no…the pain and hurt was rekindled because in the moment seeing the hurt in my little man’s eyes that he believed he had done harm to my life by being, well, by being him.  And that is not true. For it was time this week to process out the soul sludge of the hypocrisy and the venom that did me in.

Take time to read these words:

Scribes and Pharisees visit Jesus. They censure him for eating with unwashed hands. He defends his acts and teaches a lesson on hypocrisy. Privately explains to the twelve his public teachings.

1. A company of scribes and Pharisees came from Jerusalem to learn wherein the power of Jesus lay.
2. But when they learned that he and his disciples heeded not the custom of the Jews, regarding washing of the hands before they ate, they were amazed.
3. And Jesus said, Hypocrisy is queen among you scribes and Pharisees. Oh you Isaiah wrote:
4. This people honour me with lips; their hearts are far away. In vain they worship me; their doctrines are the dogmas and the creeds of men.
5. You men who pose as men of God, and still reject the laws of God and teach the laws of men,
6. Stand forth and tell when God gave unto the ceremonial laws that you observe; and tell these people how the spirit life is sullied if one washes not before he eats.
7. His critics answered not, and then he said,
8. Hear me, you men of Israel! Defilement is a creature of the heart. The carnal mind lays hold of thought, and makes a monstrous bride; this bride is sin; sin is a creature of the mind.
9. That which defiles a man is not the food he eats.
10. The bread and fish and other things we eat, are simply cups to carry to the cells of flesh material for the building of the human house, and when their work is done as refuse they are cast away.
11. The life of plant and flesh that goes to build the human house is never food for soul. The spirit does not feed upon the carcasses of animal, or plant.
12. God feeds the soul direct from heaven; the bread of life comes from above.
13. The air we breathe is charged with Holy Breath, and he will may take this Holy Breath.
14. The soul discriminates, and he who wants the life of Christ may breathe it in. According to your faith so let it be.
15. Man is not a part of his abiding place; the house is not the man.
16. The lower world builds up the house of flesh, and keeps it in repair; the higher world provides the bread of spirit life.
17. The loveliest lilies grow from stagnant ponds and filthiest muck.
18. The law of flesh demands that one should keep the body clean.
19. The law of spirit call for purity in thought and word and deed.
20. Now, when the evening came and they were in the house, the twelve had many things to say, and many questions to propound.
21. Nathaniel asked, Was what you said about the house of flesh a parable? If so, what does it mean?
22. And Jesus said, Can you not yet discriminate? Do you not yet perceive that what a man takes in his mouth defiles him not?
23. His food goes not into his soul; it is material for flesh and bone and brawn.
24. To spirit everything is clean.
25. That which defiles a man wells up from carnal thoughts; and carnal thoughts spring from the heart, and generate a host of evil things.
26. From out the heart comes murders, thefts and foolishness. All selfish acts and sensual deeds spring from the heart.
27. To eat with unwashed hands does not defile the man.
28. And Peter said, Lord, What you said to-day has grievously offended scribe and Pharisee.
29. And Jesus said, These scribes and Pharisees are not the scions of the tree of life; they are not plants of God; they are the plants of men, and every foreign plant shall be plucked up.
30. Let all these men alone; they are blind guides; they lead a multitude of people who are blind.
31. The leaders and the led together walk; together they will fall into the yawning pits.

-Aquarian Gospel 126: 1-31

Take time to reflect on the above words, writing it out from two perspectives:

  1. From a scribe/Pharisee hearing these words. What have you learned about values you hold that may need to be changed?
  2. From one of Jesus’ inner group. What have you learned about values you hold, but may not have been able to put into words as they challenge a status quo?

But also, like Peter in the passage to reflect on to follow, the idea that by taking a stand for equity and justice, that harm could be done to the other, that is the scribes and the Pharisees who saw the most vulnerable in community/faith family as okay to target.  Trust me, I am of thick skin, I ran in 2006 as NDP in Alberta back when it was a washed in Tory-CONS Blue forever and ever Amen, argued restorative justice with my MP Hang `em High Hanger and came out victorious by accounts in the media on that topic.

And yes, I know my challenge and throw down caused “harm” to those who wielded power over the vulnerable for I challenged their existing paradigm. In the moment, some would say I lost.

But to have allowed the status quo that is oppressive to remain in place through my silence for a title. That is not only morally-ethically wrong. It is the true essence of lost.  Never mind how by not standing up for the most vulnerable, how could I have ever looked at myself in the mirror? My wife and kids in the eyes again?

No, taking the stand for what is right, and holding one’s ground is where the victory is held. This I have always held to be true. My life has been built on challenging oppressive status quos, and I wasn’t about to let another one exists that directly impacted my child(ren) and remain silent.

Son, you did not ruin my life.

If anything, each day, each decision, each choice, has been a journey of growth, love, transfiguration and joy into the man you deserve as a Daddy.

What is the heart of faith/religion/spirituality? Making yourself and little corner of the world better for truly loving in at-onement with the Cosmic Christ within.

So are you ready to release your false values of tradition and live into the true (self) ones of love?

Bonus: A song that has been resonating on van rides with the family recently Brad Paisley Me & Jesus Music Video


I could do a mediumship slight of hand saying I never had proof of the spirits that continue to be with us and guide us in life. BUT those who have ever read me, heard me speak, or spent time in deeper conversations (y’know the kind us introverts enjoy) would see the bullocks espoused.

But what it was an aha moment this week in the ACH with my son post surgery after his duel foot reconstruction that we felt that there was an angel watching over, and yes it was my Dad that noted it.  Y’see my Grandma (the lad’s Great Grandma, and yes the first celebration of life I ever presided over in ministry) was named Iva. It’s a name that I have never encountered in anyone except her in my whole life. My Dad noted never having met another with the name in his life.

Yet here was a student nurse, aiding the team providing care to my boy, who shared her name. After realizing this there was some similarities between the two. More importantly however, there was an explanation of the feeling of peace on the unit post surgery.

So take from it what you will, but if you ask my son, he knows who was in the room supporting him ethereally. For he walks with those who have transitioned, and continue to be important parts of his life, and you see this by simply looking into his diamond shimmer blue eyes and see all those souls of the past reflecting inwards and outwards in the web of love that connects us all.