Paul Vargis
TyA workshop I have given in many places from community to church to classroom that explores ideas around grieiving. What is grieving? It is how we process loss an change, if we understand that every change in life no matter how small to large brings a grieving cycle then we can become more attuned with emotions, and open to discussing loss.
We can also become more open to the risk of belonging.
Lars and the Real Girl was a gift at a Winter Refresher in the 00’s at St. Andrew’s College, for those in ministry and preparing for ordered ministry in the United Church of Canada. This is a wonderful story on the power of belonging in healing, and can raise or rather open the ethical discussion on what makes a life. See, we are not fully aware, but something has happened to Lars, he is secluding and isolating in the guest house on his brother and sister-in-laws property, withdrawing from his usual community (re: church), and folks are beginning to notice. One day he knocks on his brother’s door, and makes a request, he has an online girlfriend who is coming to visit, due to their devout beliefs she can’t stay with him but could she use the guest room. The sister-in-law is excited Lars is coming back from the darkness.
The girlfriend is a wheel chair user, and one begins to think it is ableism at the shock on the brother and spouse face, but then you see– the wheelchair users is a life size doll. A visit to the doctor the next day just affirms Lars is going through something, they can try to shock him out of it not knowing the result, or roll with the delusion and see what happens. The family decides to roll with the delusion for healing, but will others?
It is a story of belonging, as Bianca (the real girl) is affirmed in community. She has a life, girls nights, bowling league, elected to the school board— and then…
She falls ill.
There is a beautiful scene where the women’s group shows up with casseroles, when asked why by Lars, they simply reply “we are here to sit, knit and eat” that is we are simply here to be present with you as you journey out of your normal, into the unknown, and into the new normal.
What a beautiful concept of belonging.
What a way to show the journey of grieving (take time if you can to host a potluck and discussion night around Lars and the Real Girl)…
For more take a dive into the other slides and ideas/questions thoughts to wrestle through.
In Canada if you are struggling with Mental Health, please call 988.
Also you may want to invest in micro-credentials (trainings) for yourself, group or church in things such as Mental Health First Aid, ASSIST, Safe Talk, and Naloxone.
A Monk's Musings 