A Caregiver Fallacy

I was blessed to be apart of the majority of learning/educational Passover last night, with the songs, the food, the stories, traditions and contemplative questions. As I reflected I began to build out in my mind and heart that we tend to misunderstand burden. The concept of release from burden when one is a caregiver sets us up to have interrupted or repressed grieving. For those unaware unprocessed grief can create the same mental, emotional and physiological responses as PTSD, even a misdiagnosis and mistreatement.

Why is this in mind? Well, I have played a role as caregiver with other relatives like my Mum and Dad, with various relatives. Though in the moments, and at that time in history it was and is being family. Though over time and even then, when the caring ended, as the loved one transitioned to the next adventure (as we would explain to my kids, the great tea party), some things always perplexed or landed wrong.

Yes it was emotionally draining, rolling with emotions and new experiences. Seeing my loved Granddad struggle physically with his emphysema. My Nan, who began to see the effects of dementia. My Granmda with her falls, and then in hospital in the last days where her mind had regressed to a point in time in history where I was no born, so I was either my uncle or cousin, but I still got to have time with her and show her love. With each of them. With my Mum as she journeyed towards the end with breast cancer, and her own mental health struggles. Same thing, it was hard emotionally.

But then the phrase, the essence being, “while isn’t it wonderful it is over” or “think of how much better things will be now”. Sentiments echoed with my own son.

Yet, NO.

It was time spent. It was time together. Yes, if our society did not have systemic issues of emotional constipation around chronic conditions. Emotional phobia of death. Perhaps these journeys would be more supportive by all. If our governments did not see citizens as the enemy and fight against supports or enforce constant cycles of advocacy to prove personhood… Yeah, caregiving is hard emotionally but it is being family. What breaks one’s spirit, heart and yes body, is the constant fighting with the world crafted by those elected that do no see the one with the chronic condition as person. That is the true draining.

And then because we are to see this work of caregiving (not the advocacy and systemic “isms” and prejudices as the burden) we are to be gladdened when the life is lost and grieving should be nicely wrapped up as the employer dictactes (no longer than 3 paid days if in Calgary, or 5 outside of town), and it better fit the description human resources provides as kin, God help you (and yes that is intentional, not blasphemous) if you family functions differently.

So as I reflect on my journey of family, as caregiver, my own chronic conditions. The support and story of loss, and what is reflected. I know the release, of unrepressed grieving. Of letting the tears flow anew, to understand that the burden was not the caring, and time with the loved one. The burden is what our systems create for proper care and support of professionals and ensuring those systems are properly equipped.

I encourage the caregivers, the personal ones, let us raise our voices. Let us push for proper caregivers allowances to reduce the systemic burden, to allow for our time with loved ones to exist so we can continue to care and together thrive.

Let us raise our voices for government to get out of the meta-fallacy-myth that citizens are out to defraud the system, and use the fact checker of the CRA at the end so that thriving can happen for those we care for.

Let us raise our voices, and stop the politicos and the populists and the anger mob from shaping the faux ballot box questions and direclty speak to those running and not accept the non answer anymore.

Let us raise our voices, and admit the burden that is being released in loss is constantly fighting for our loved ones to be seen as person.

Let us raise our voices, and celebrate the extra time we have had.

Let us raise our voices, and let the tears come,

for our friends lost.

And know, it is okay.

An Ecclecitca (been a while)

Whew, it has been awhile since I have posted an ecclectica. For long time followers of my almost 40 years of writing/publishing will remember this as an early 2000’s e-letter that started out to explore exclusively politics and in the run of various blogs and other publications has become a catch all for thoughts (though the justice/politics is still present).

Former PM Kim Campbell (first female PM of Canada), called out Pollievere’s character as a small time hate monger (many will remember the turn of the election for her 2 seats, being the Chretien face ad), though this far out from an election will it have the same impact as former PM’s Joe Clark’s better the devil I know comment that delivered a Martin-Liberal minority?

Former Calgary Mayor, Nenshi, when asked if he would run for the leadership of the Alberta NDP, made the quip that he was going to trade the purple for orange as he has accepted the role of assistant manager of the Orange Julius at Marlborough Mall. The outrage from the usual suspects in the ANDP around hidden misogyny, shows that since 2004 when I was pointing it out to them, they still do not understand the humour, culture or diversity of the NE of Calgary, and they continue to perpetuate their false paradigm to their detriment seat wise.

Alberta is suffering from the 2 party state mentality and having toxic hatred populism drive removal of minority rights, and loss of life does not matter to them. This is the governing party that equated death during a pandemic on the social capital individuals had. Social capital, is simply what value in the economy you have so those who don’t work full time, those who are old or draw benefits from the government, or access public services (like schools for instances) have low social capital. Another meta-myth, conservative populists have inflicted upon citizens is the idea that government funding works like a person’s bank statement. It does not, all the debits on a government statement have intangible connections to credit.

Simply put, Universal Basic Income, is a must for sustainability, creativity and a disruption of the gig economy that perpetuates health issues due to stress and lack of rest.

Just some things to think about, in the last Alberta budget, public post secondaries are only receiving 42% of funding from Alberta, 58% is to be raised by other means including fees and tuition increases, post secondary is being crafted to be like in America, something only the wealthy (not those that have the passion and experitse for the roles) can pursue. Oh and as the voucher system from the Southern US is further inflicted upon our K-12, with the budget line coming up a sa 4.8% decrease in funding per student. But aren’t you happy the private school charging between 5-25,000 a year tuition, plus a mandated fundraising amount, also qualifies for full per-student funding? The Alberta Advantage, only province that does this.

And how is privatized insurance for your car and house going for you?

Shall we talk of the wound the Klein era government inflicted upon us with deregulations of utilities? How many households can’t qualify for the fixed rates due to bad credit as we are the most debt ridden populace in Canada? When they say 1 pay cheque away from homelessness, most are paid twice a month, let that settle in. And now the carbon tax is not the most expensive part of the bill, remove all those other fees caused by deregulation and privatization (cause of the market and choice don’tcha know) and now how much is your bill? Keeping in mind, California (An American state) ended this fiasco, and Klein and company still went forward with it.

Corporate tax rates? Here’s the thing, most corporations are small businesses. So an 8% rate aides them. Small businesses incorporate to limit personal liability (creditors can’t take your own stuff, just the companies). We can create a sliding scale just like income tax, where based on profits is what the corporation pays, from 8% to 45% (A wal-mart, loblaws level profits), which aides in solving revenue streams. This can then be used for the Heritage Fund (or what has probably become a politico slush fund), and robust investment in progressive and comprehensive housing, health, and education that draws most businesses.

As we traverse this world, since 2016 we have seen hatred arise once again. Yes it has always been there, but we really let it go mainstream, and become a credible alternative discussion point. That is on us, watch 12 angry men on Tubi, see how they handle the racist juror 10. It is time to tell them to sit down, and shut up. The rise of anti-semitism, queer hatred and Islamic hatred is unconsciouble, and needs to end. Oh yes, these are hatreds not phobias, it is not an irrational fear so some lawyer can make excuses for your actions in court (think back to the Ricki Lake trial, or the early days following 9-11 where even the racists claiming “islamophobia” couldn’t tell a Muslim from a Sikh, from an Italian in most or all cases), it is pure hatred, watch caused the rise of facism in Italy and Germany before World War II.

Oh, and what about the Alberta Goverment (UCP) telling AHS not to link to safe sex and sexual health information on social media? Syphillis epidemic, opioid poisonings, gonorhea and chlyamedia that have become treatment resistant, teen pregnancy… but who needs information even though a robust sexual health education with access to contraceptives has shown to reduce costs to the health system, reduce abortions (which populist Christian Nationalists, or the white supremacist, are always going on about), and increase engagement in society.

What is up with AISH??? We are in 2024, and spouses (married or common law) still cannot qualify based on spousal income. This is atrocious, what does this set up the other for in regards to neglect and domestic violence? Or even not going their, just personal ability to engage in society and economy, we are a world designed to have dual incomes in family households by capitalism but when it comes to the government we haven’t left an idealized upper middle class WASP myth.

What groups will be targetted to cement hate fuelled populism? Trans folks, disabled folks, temporary foreign workers– has one been missed?

Don’t you miss the days when populsim brought about positive things like universal health care, women’s rights, safe sex, LGBTQ rights, human rights and labour rights to name but a few (oh and an end to child labour, but we have to forget that one in Alberta where a 12 year old can work without parental consent, and there is no law around how young a child can be left alone at). Or when social conservative populists created ideas for credit and universal basic incomes (what was social credit at its core?) or the royalty formula because they did not see resources such as oil and gas a the government’s or the corporations, but the citizens (royalty formulas were devastated under the Klein government, and we have continued to pander to the corporation not the citizen since).

-30-

Are you always a Pinkie Toe?

Are we always a pinkie toe may seem like a ludicrous spiritual question, yet in the world of allegory of the body one knows how relevant a pinkie toe can be in the dark and finding the coffee table?  A moment of instant discernment via pain, which is a unique contemplation as I sit reflecting on my journey over the last 2 ½ years that due to health saw me lose my helping vocation, or did it?

See, my discernment was about making my own corner of the world a little bit better as I attempted to live the Great Commandments:

³⁴ But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. ³⁵ And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with your entire mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

-Matthew 22:34-40 (English Standard Version)

It was the discovery of these red letters in a broken open red Gideon’s New Testament that brought me back into formal church, and unpacking the understanding, inspiration and living of it that led me for over 20 years into various fields of helping whether it was persons with disabilities, youth, young adults, seniors, patients with dementia, the homeless sector, politics, writing to name but a few…

Then it all came crashing down through unknown illness. There was no nice neat package bow of change…like a pinkie toe breaking against the coffee table one dark night the body was going to be changed for a time. And there was no telling what would be after healing. For St. Paul writes to the church in Corinth this about the body:

¹² The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. ¹³ Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles,^[e] some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.^[f]

¹⁴ Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. ¹⁵ If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?

¹⁸ But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. ¹⁹ How strange a body would be if it had only one part! ²⁰ Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. ²¹ The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”

-1 Corinthians 12:12-21 (New Living Translation)

We can tend to use the concept of being in the body and our gifts to create parts of the body. We may declare we are heart, liver, pancreas, toes, fingers, etc… but it can easily be that once discernment has happened that we limit God. Yes you read that right, we so become in tune with our purpose, what we will dub “our calling” (or vocation) that we do not know how to respond when that purpose ends—either positively or negatively. What happens to us? Our identity in Christ? Our holy belonging in the Body of Christ? For if we were this important piece of the body, and now no longer fill that function—someone else will. So what of us?

This is the quandary on emerging from a dark night of the soul, and looking into the new dawn; an apt metaphor this Lenten Season leading into Easter tide of the Empty Tomb, and the new Sonrise of Easter Sunday. Is our heart open to the new journey? To understanding that even though our function (body part) may have changed, that we are still blessed? We are still an Imageo Dei as was laid out for us in the Hebrew Creation Poem in Genesis 1, specifically day 6 (v. 26-27):

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make humankind^[a] in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth,^[b] and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”

²⁷ So God created humankind^[c] in his image,
in the image of God he created them;^[d]
male and female he created them.

 

For that is our creation, interdependent in the Holy “our”. The Trinity if you will, and this is how we interweave into the Body of Christ, our Community, with our calling-vocation-purpose, and when we are left with seismic shift it can leave one feeling a what if, or distraught. Yet, in the essence we are drawn closer into the Mystery of Faith. In this mystery we can begin to discern our new calling or redefinition of existing calling. Not in a vacuum but through looking at skills, encouragements from trusted friends, family and mentors. This also allows for us to change the way we belong in the Body of Christ as our gifts may shift, change and evolve with our new vocational calling.

 

As my pinkie toe healed, but I had perhaps, moved up the foot or toe spectrum. For I may not be in the field, but there was a shift for a time. It was a shift to equipping and teaching the next wave of servants for this season of life. This rests well…is it a permanent shift? Long-Term? Who knows, what is known is for this time and place this is where I am and meant to be.

For the learning on recovery it is about being open to the possibility of the new. As I phrased it to friends, I felt like I was in the seventh season of a television show and one opportunity before me felt like a spin off was going to begin, and then a teaching opportunity felt like a season 8 renewal to reframe a closure or something else, as we know once a show reaches that longevity there is usually a status quo shake up to keep viewers coming back. It was the renewal I received.

Or as noted in my journey of learning to live the Great Commandments, shifting from one body part to another in creating radical belonging for the diverse and blessed Imageo Dei’s of our world.

Today, contemplate in your vocational life…

Are you always a pinkie toe?

My Neighbour: Post-Script Broken Faith

Unconsciously I must have known this allegory of me as Bionic Knight (read B.K. pulps here) was needed as 18 months of unknown physiological and neurological symptoms that two previous visits to ER saw everything come back as normal. Mysteries persisted and sick time evaporated, culminated in the ER cluster storm of my 39^th b-day forward. A new reality that has seen symptoms evaporate due to attrition of time, not medical intervention while others persist. Yet it is in the writings of the story of a middle-aged hero that was my first super hero creation that I could begin to unpack what was going on within my own mind, heart and soul.

I love writing, as many who know me know… Whether it is fiction, non-fiction, poetry or plays I just love to share worldviews and percolate thoughts…I dislike recently after a good run the beating my own brain gives me as tonight I feel like I was on the losing end of a boxing match. And left outside in a winter storm. #neurolife (Facebook post from December 4, 2017)

“4 months since 39. 9 weeks since “I can’t”.

and my faith broke.

For it is within the allegory of Super-hero we can honestly look at those that serve those in most need go through, without having to just yet look at our society in a mirror and go: we collectively decided that it was okay for this level of poverty to exist within our society, for our children, youth, young adults, elders, seniors and neighbours to live like this as we worshiped the zero-based budget.

Yet that choice, as with every choice, is like a pebble in a pond or a butterfly flapping their wings. No one can know what those ripples or wings will cause down the line, but know it is a question each of us most be prepared to ask.

It was easily summed up with these for words and punctuation many a time over:

Who is my neighbour?

And today we MUST continue to ask:

And how shall we live justly, safely and healthily together in community?

Where is hope found in my life?

How does my faith heal?

Advent of something new?

Playin’ 4 Keeps (an amazing Fundraiser)…

Alberta Children’s Hospital in Calgary, Alberta. This is at the new location (as of 2006) of the hospital. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Coming to a small town near you!

This is the press release sent us, so feel free to follow up if you are in the Alberta Area!

CabinSales.ca is Playin’ 4 Keeps, in support of the Alberta Children’s Hospital Foundation!

 

With children and families as their inspiration, the Alberta Children’s Hospital is able to provide nation-leading expertise on many fronts, including Brain Health,     Childhood Cancer and Life-saving Care. Ultimately, their goal is to provide world-  class health care and enable the 82 thousand children who rely on the hospital     every year to be the first to benefit from new discoveries, treatments and cures.

How can you help Playin’ 4 Keeps?

Keep your eyes and ears open!

A specially designed, play house sized piggy bank, will be coming to your community!  Bring your spare change and  help fill this giant piggy bank.  Proceeds will help support the Alberta Children’s Hospital Foundation to ensure that  the children and families who rely on the hospital receive the best of care..

You can even enter to win the playhouse, once we get all those pennies out of it!

Playin’ 4 Keeps…watch for it in your community.

Proudly supported by Cabin Sales.ca, ACA Electric Ltd, and Countess Country Museum.

 

Wayne Ragan

President & Founder is available for comments at:

1-877-272-9886 or playin4keeps@live.com

-30-

Fear

Lights / Luces (Photo credit: . SantiMB .)

Reactionary emotion

heart shutting

soul rending

F-E-A-R–

power made

power lost

control surrendered to another

compounds upon others…

strikes when one is at their weakest

Destructive

destruction

control regained

fear challenged

it is time

to unshutter the heart

Light of Holy Mystery to shine back in

a spark,

fanned to a glimmer,

fanned some more feeding it hope

hope sparks through the prism of the heart

warming the soul anew.

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Grief

It is an ugly emotion

Let’s be honest

we think jealousy or greed

but really, Grief is what destroys

it latches on to our most carnal desires,

allows anger to seize control of a system that is too love…

Our command to love neighbour as self,

in grief possibly we can fake loving neighbour, but as the anger eats away at our insides, we truly are destroying ourselves faster than any addiction or razor blade would.

it is the root, of self-destruction, much like the love of money is the root of evil,

but grief festoons,

simply because

with loss we toss about so easily

“it is God‘s will”

What a load

of bull shit…

for how does God deem one beloved matriarch dies, while a beloved patriarch lives?

How one Mum wastes away from illness in the cells and another from illness unseen?

How it become easy, to hate one’s siblings, blood or other

as senses heightened like a were-wolf

smells out the weakness

and attacks to props one self up as higher…

Grief is destructive….

Needs the consolation of a beloved grandmother…

yet it is Nan that I miss

as she smiles down from Nirvana.

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PTSD and the Poverello

A garden statue of Francis of Assisi with birds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It has been a blessing to re-enter a relationship with the Roman Catholic Church, I still look fondly upon my time there as a lay minister of praise. One of the great resources that has come to me is Elizabeth Rapley’s The Lord as Their Portion: The story of the Religious Orders and How they shaped our world. I am not done this work so there may still be more musings afoot. But what has come to mind is when I hit the section on the rise of the Mendicants, and more earnestly her snapshot of Francis The Poverello.

She points out his failure as a merchant (more enjoyed spending of the money, than the makin of) and then his less that successful soldiering, where on his first mission he was injured, captured and became a prisoner of war for  seven years. See Francis of Assisi is my patron, and one of the reasons I am attracted to his mysticism and story is that he lives. Meaning that there is no hiding what he truly was.

Rapley raises a new question to show the relevance of the story of saints today (ancient or contemporary as with Dorothy Day or even the 14 year old girl shot by the Taliban). After Francis’ return from captivity he entered a spiral of self-destruction, addiction, partying, thieving, etc… hmmm…a spiral of self-destruction with erratic behaviours…

I am pondering if Francis doesn’t hold another story of redemption and healing for today, with all those that have suffered trauma and now live with the mixed blessing of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Why? Simple, he responded as one returning from war time. Yet in the midst of it, there was a point of clarity where he discoverd a true purpose for life.

A true purpose, the rise of the mendicants that followed him into poverty to care for the world, a reflection of the true life of Christ, the true gospel.

How does this story reflect on those we journey with who may have encountered trauma and are still living through and into the darkness? How can we shine the light? How did Francis leave the darkness?

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• Poverello Center to ask MRA for public funding help for new shelter (missoulian.com)
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• Franciscan University Honors Father Benedict Groeschel, CFR, for Service to the World’s Material and Spiritual Poor (insightscoop.typepad.com)
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Respect/Dignity Tolerance/Acceptance more than just word choice…

It has been a unique week in coming to understand the English language, and that there are many words that we may believe are interchangeable at first blush but actually go to a deeper understanding of who we are as individuals and as a community.

The first two are respect and dignity. Well it is important to respect others, and ourselves obviously to have a healthy community it also allows for something negative to creep in. We can respectthe person experiencing poverty or the differently abled yet still hold that we know best to get them out of their circumstance (the charity model if you will). While Dignity is something deeper, it is more than just respect, it is seeing the other individual as a Christ-bearer as well, who has autonomy and authority within their own lives for their own choices.

The other two words are tolerance and acceptance.

Yes as a multi-cultural society we are taught to “tolerate” another’s beliefs, cultural idioms or actions.  Yet this is like respect, it is still surface level and can leave us with smugness of our rightness, that only we have the full authority or understanding to direct life.  This is bullocks.  Essentially acceptance is also realizing the other, like us, is a Christ-bearer and as such their way of life is just as valid as ours is.

The caveat being that actions need to be redirected or corrected within the context of a loving, supporting, and healing community when such actions cause harm to self, and/or others. Some examples of this would be domestic violence, addictions, honour killings, pedophilia, eating disorders, untreated mental health conditions…

Yet even these hurdles need to involve the communtiy coming around to heal with one another and the self.

So you see this journey with Christ is about respect and tolerance, but that is the beginning stepping stone to true disciple making, for the next step is into Dignity and Acceptance.  From there? Only God knows where we are heading…

 

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Sexual Health Education for Older Generations

Intriguing…it appears that we as a society to keep our elders alive need to move beyond the “ickyness” of thinking mum/dad/granny/gramps have sex, but to also be ble to aid them in a sexual health education to save their lives. Time to step up for healthy communities.

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