I was blessed to be apart of the majority of learning/educational Passover last night, with the songs, the food, the stories, traditions and contemplative questions. As I reflected I began to build out in my mind and heart that we tend to misunderstand burden. The concept of release from burden when one is a caregiver sets us up to have interrupted or repressed grieving. For those unaware unprocessed grief can create the same mental, emotional and physiological responses as PTSD, even a misdiagnosis and mistreatement.
Why is this in mind? Well, I have played a role as caregiver with other relatives like my Mum and Dad, with various relatives. Though in the moments, and at that time in history it was and is being family. Though over time and even then, when the caring ended, as the loved one transitioned to the next adventure (as we would explain to my kids, the great tea party), some things always perplexed or landed wrong.
Yes it was emotionally draining, rolling with emotions and new experiences. Seeing my loved Granddad struggle physically with his emphysema. My Nan, who began to see the effects of dementia. My Granmda with her falls, and then in hospital in the last days where her mind had regressed to a point in time in history where I was no born, so I was either my uncle or cousin, but I still got to have time with her and show her love. With each of them. With my Mum as she journeyed towards the end with breast cancer, and her own mental health struggles. Same thing, it was hard emotionally.
But then the phrase, the essence being, “while isn’t it wonderful it is over” or “think of how much better things will be now”. Sentiments echoed with my own son.
Yet, NO.
It was time spent. It was time together. Yes, if our society did not have systemic issues of emotional constipation around chronic conditions. Emotional phobia of death. Perhaps these journeys would be more supportive by all. If our governments did not see citizens as the enemy and fight against supports or enforce constant cycles of advocacy to prove personhood… Yeah, caregiving is hard emotionally but it is being family. What breaks one’s spirit, heart and yes body, is the constant fighting with the world crafted by those elected that do no see the one with the chronic condition as person. That is the true draining.
And then because we are to see this work of caregiving (not the advocacy and systemic “isms” and prejudices as the burden) we are to be gladdened when the life is lost and grieving should be nicely wrapped up as the employer dictactes (no longer than 3 paid days if in Calgary, or 5 outside of town), and it better fit the description human resources provides as kin, God help you (and yes that is intentional, not blasphemous) if you family functions differently.
So as I reflect on my journey of family, as caregiver, my own chronic conditions. The support and story of loss, and what is reflected. I know the release, of unrepressed grieving. Of letting the tears flow anew, to understand that the burden was not the caring, and time with the loved one. The burden is what our systems create for proper care and support of professionals and ensuring those systems are properly equipped.
I encourage the caregivers, the personal ones, let us raise our voices. Let us push for proper caregivers allowances to reduce the systemic burden, to allow for our time with loved ones to exist so we can continue to care and together thrive.
Let us raise our voices for government to get out of the meta-fallacy-myth that citizens are out to defraud the system, and use the fact checker of the CRA at the end so that thriving can happen for those we care for.
Let us raise our voices, and stop the politicos and the populists and the anger mob from shaping the faux ballot box questions and direclty speak to those running and not accept the non answer anymore.
Let us raise our voices, and admit the burden that is being released in loss is constantly fighting for our loved ones to be seen as person.
Let us raise our voices, and celebrate the extra time we have had.
The most uncomfortable piece of the Holy Week journey, it’s why so many lean into Tony Campolo’s comfort of It’s Friday but Sunday’s coming… we dislike being in grieving. Being in the unknown. Yet it is the mystery that is a part of the journey. The showing of the completely human, why some have Vigil Saturday, where from end of day Friday until Sonrise on Sunday you stay in prayer, some use a more truncated service format of readings and hymns.
How the ancient church attempted to formalize the mystery of what death meant for Brother Jesus, with these thougths from the Apostle’s Creed: he descended to hell.
The concept popularized in Dante and Milton possibly, but most likely Hades’ the idea of storehouse of souls, raised, broken, the control of evil defeated in this time? Do we truly live that happened, or as Lewis’ would contemplate in the Screwtape Letters we still give over much to demonic forces that are simply part of creation?
Take time not looking to what we know is to come, but take time to be in contemplation, in the moment, processing…for prayer for the dead is the ancient wisdom of knowing we can take everything to God, and by speaking it we begin to heal to move forward into the new reality of what is becoming and can start to release what was. Though we dislike the discomfort of unknown, we dislike the discomfort of loss, we dislike the discomfort of emotions.
Simply be… is hard.
But take this time, be in the unknown, be in the mystery.
Oki, Âba wathtech, Danit’ada, Tansi, Hello and welcome to worship at Centennial. I would like to acknowledge we gather as first peoples and settlers on the traditional territories of the Treaty 7 peoples that include the Stoney Nakoda First Nations including Chiniki, Bearspaw and Good Stoney First Nations, the Blackfoot Confederacy that includes the Siksika, the Piikani and Kainai First Nations, and Tsuut’ina First Nations, and the Metis Nation Region 3. With the living love of Creator, we commit to the hard calling of truth and reconciliation together here on Turtle Island.
We are in the season of Lent, a time to embrace the mystery of faith, and listen deeply to the still quiet voice calling us.. Please join in our call to worship.
Call to Worship
Come, all who desire to know God.
We come, for we want to see Jesus.
Come, all who thirst for the Spirit.
We come, for God is in our midst this day.
So let us praise God’s holy name.
We will worship God with heart, mind, strength and soul,
and declare God’s goodness to us.
(From PCC Worship Resource for the day)
Time of Praise:
1) SB 104 Open Our Eyes Lord
2) BP 146 Thy Word is a Lamp Unto Our Feet
Prayers of Adoration and Confession (From PCC Worship Resource):
Creating God, Loving Christ, Guiding Spirit,
With the promise of spring and new life awakening,
you wake us from our slumbers.
You are faithful to us through every season of the year
and every season of life.
The hope you offer in Jesus Christ draws us together,
as your Spirit rises within our hearts.
Even as the cross looms on the horizon,
we praise you for Jesus’ courage and compassion,
which bring renewal to us in the midst of all our challenges.
We praise you, O God, for such love that will never let us go.
Gracious and Loving God,
as we draw closer to the Cross,
we recognize ways we fall short of your hope for us.
We get lost in our own concerns
and neglect to show love, even to those right beside us.
We find some people too difficult to care for.
We think others unworthy of your love and ours.
Forgive us and renew a right spirit within us,
so that we find the courage to go on
and the compassion to reach out in your name. Amen.
Lord’s Prayer
(Version 4 from the New Zealand Prayer Book)
Eternal Spirit, Earth-maker, Pain-bearer, Life-giver, Source of all that is and that shall be, Father and Mother of us all, Loving God, in whom is heaven:
The hallowing of your name echo through the universe! The way of your justice be followed by the peoples of the world! Your heavenly will be done by all created beings! Your commonwealth of peace and freedom sustain our hope and come on earth.
With the bread we need for today, feed us. In the hurts we absorb from one another, forgive us. In times of temptation and test, strengthen us. From trials too great to endure, spare us. From the grip of all that is evil, free us.
For you reign in the glory of the power that is love, now and for ever. Amen.
Assurance of Pardon
Jesus said, Come to me all you who labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Friends, trust that peace and forgiveness are God’s gifts to you this day. Be renewed by the power of the Spirit that moves with you into each new day.
Announcements – Elders
Church Family Celebrations (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Welcome Song)- Elders
Children’s Time:
Today, is the last Sunday before next week we start something called Holy Week, it opens with like a party for Jesus on one side, and a party for those who didn’t like Jesus on the other side. So I thought you could tell the adults here, what we know about Jesus?
And what gift did Jesus give the world?
Instead of praying, together as you go out, we’re going to sing a song that means quite a bit to my family, it was my Mum and Nan’s favourite, sung to all the kids, and is our prayer today to remind and live as you go out to share love.
Along with the Tribal Members of Wrestles with Creator (Israel) who came to participate in the Passover festival, there were also many outsiders from other nations who would come.
20There were people from these nations who came to celebrate the festival from Land of Wisdom Seekers (Greece).
These were people who often prided themselves in their study of wisdom and knowledge.
21They went up to Friend of Horses (Philip), who was from House of Fishing (Bethsaida) in Circle of Nations (Galilee). Knowing him to be one who walked with Creator Sets Free (Jesus), they said to him, “Honored friend, we would like to see Creator Sets Free (Jesus), your Wisdomkeeper.”
22Friend of Horses (Philip) did not know what to do, so he found Stands with Courage (Andrew) and asked him what he thought. Then together they both went to see Creator Sets Free (Jesus) and told him that the Wisdom Seekers (Greeks) wished to see him.
23He answered them, “It is time for the True Human Being to be lifted up to his place of honor. 24I speak from my heart. If a seed is unplanted, it remains only one seed, but if it dies, falls to the earth, and enters the ground, it will then grow and become many seeds.
25“The ones who love the kind of life this world gives will lose the life they seek, but the ones who let go of their life in this world and follow my ways will find the life of the world to come that never fades away, full of beauty and harmony.
“Tell these Wisdom Seekers (Greeks)to walk the road with me. 26Anyone who wants to serve me will walk in my footsteps, and I will take them to the same place I am going. If they give up their lives to serve me in this way, my Father will honor them.”
THE TIME OF HONOR HAS COME
A look of sorrow came over the face of Creator Sets Free (Jesus).
27“But now I am deeply troubled and in anguish!” he said. “Should I ask my Father to rescue me from this hour that has now come? No! I came into the world for this time and for this purpose.”
He then lifted his face, looked up to the sky, and sent his words to the Great Spirit.
28“Father,” he prayed, “honor your name and show the world the beauty of it.”
Suddenly, a voice from above spoke out of the sky, “I have honored my name, for it represents who I am, and I will once again honor and show the beauty of it.”
29Some of the people standing nearby heard the voice and said, “Was that thunder?”
Others said, “No, a spirit-messenger has spoken to him.”
30Creator Sets Free (Jesus) said to them, “This voice you heard was not for my sake, but for yours. 31It is a sign to you that it is now time for the Great Spirit to make his final decision about this world. The evil one who now rules this world will be defeated and thrown down. 32But I, the True Human Being, will be lifted up from the ground and nailed to a cross. This is the way I will bring all things, in the spirit-world above and the earth below, to myself.”
33Creator Sets Free (Jesus) said this to show the kind of death he would die and what his death would accomplish.
This is the word of the Lord,
Thanks be to God.
Sermon
“Waiting on our world to change”.
Little known psychological fact, whenever we go through change our system, that is whole person-physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual enters the process of grieving. It may be instantaneous like when we can’t find our favourite food at the grocery store, or the latest episode of a favourite series isn’t released when it should be on streaming, or longer process of release of the old, and letting come into our new reality with what was, no longer being there. This can happen with major life changes like graduation, injury, career change, retirement or loss of life or ending of relationships. When I hear this story of Jesus I hear a friend, and loving creator, preparing those who would not be on the next phase of the journey to prepare for the change.
What can this look like? A few years ago, I was at a winter refresher for ministry staff where we were discovering how to aid and understand a community’s role in change. Or as this story relates, Creator Sets Free (Jesus) saying to come along in the journey. Enter the unknown, and see what the possibilities are, and the probability?
This is where this story takes us as a modern-day parable on the transformative journey of grief and how a community can transform together. Sounds a little bit like what has been happening here over the last few months of discovery and reconnection, but I digress. This parable, a Ryan Gosling film, Lars, and the Real Girl. The story opens, and Lars is not feeling himself, his community, his brother and sister-in-law are concerned as their usual quirky loved one, is not himself and is isolating. Then one day he emerges from the guest house, his online girlfriend is coming to visit, but they are both devout Christians so can she stay in the brother and sisters-in-law guest house. They are ecstatic and agree.
The day comes, and Bianca arrives to visit. She is a wheelchair user, but that isn’t what is causing the perplexed looks at dinner?
She is a life size doll.
Suffice it to say they end up at the doctors the next day.
They are given a choice: Either enforce, the myth of normal upon Lars, and trash the doll and roll with whatever happen to his mental health, or enter the journey Lars has begun, see where it leads, and what grows from it. So, you are here the gospel echoes in this modern parable? Like the seeds Jesus spoke of, or even the lines of joining his journey. For Lars was in the journey of grieving, and trying to let go of what was, to be able to enter the possibilities ahead.
The family, the community had a choice. We are at a point in time in our world history to embrace the new that is trying to emerge, that includes healing and reconciliation and letting go of the destructive colonial past or to embrace what we call normal and allow the harm, destruction and hate to continue to grow. We have a choice where we fall in our journey. Just like those hearing Jesus’ words had a choice to turn away back to the known, to ignore or to step into the unknown. Just like this family and community.
What did Jesus’ friends choose? What will you choose? What did they choose? Hearing Jesus’ words in the writing of the community of John, what would you choose? If Lars was in the pew today?
They stepped into the footsteps of Lars. And yes, like the seed in the ground, hope began to grow. How do we know? Well, Bianca had girls nights, she joined the bowling league, somehow she even got elected to the school board. The community embraced what their friend needed on the journey?
Are you in the midst of a change?
How can we embrace the journey with you?
That was the question for Lars.
And then, as Jesus pointed out in his story, the old structure, the old way of being was being let go, released, the unknown was being stepped into. It is within that unknown we get to play. Lars was healing, but the community was able to play and so was Lars, what would be the new way? Normal is a myth, but how we are is what matters in creating belonging. Lars knew he belonged. He was able in the journey to let go of what was not serving him, to let go of the unmanageable pain, to know that it is not dishonouring or doing a disservice to discover what is. It is also okay to try new things before deciding on the new path.
Isn’t that what the friends of Jesus did? Think of all the new things they were being exposed to throughout the journey? The diversity of the Body of Christ then and until now?
But like what Lent is preparing us for, there was a dark time for Lars, see Bianca fell sick and was bedridden. Did the community abandon him? Those who called Bianca and Lars friend came, the most beautiful scene is of Lars’ church’s women’s group, he asks why they are their? The one lady replies, we have casserole, and knitting and to sit. For however long we are needed.
To simply be with one another. Knowing there is comfort in the connection. Could this be the example of why Jesus took time to be with his friends? To pray? To share space and be? He shared what was to come, and why, but it was in the being.
Preparing them for change.
We have journeyed through Lent, we are preparing for what is to come on Palm Sunday, the celebratory entrance next week of Jesus’s group of those who were not wanted on one side of Jerusalem, and on the other side the celebration of Caesar, with Pontius Pilate’s entrance of power, pomp, money and empire.
That is the choice and everything in between. Our time to release of what was, what wasn’t working, of the change, of life without what always was. For Lars’ community it was to embrace Lars and be with him.
For the community of John, and the story here, it is to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Even Jesus, in verses 27, does what we do, and asks or ponders can we go back to what is known. But the previous verse 25, is the question that rests before us as we head to the ending of Lent, and the beginning of Holy Week, the beginning of our story:
25“The ones who love the kind of life this world gives will lose the life they seek, but the ones who let go of their life in this world and follow my ways will find the life of the world to come that never fades away, full of beauty and harmony.
“Tell these Wisdom Seekers (Greeks)to walk the road with me.
Will we journey through the change as community, and walk the road knowing where it leads is truly the unknown…will you let go what was known and let come what is love?
Amen.
Offering
Dedication of the Offering
BP 663 God of Love, Hear our Prayer.
(Tune: Edelweiss)
Prayers of Thanksgiving and Intercession
(from PCC Worship resource)
Steadfast God,
amid many changes and challenges around us,
we are grateful that you are with us.
You understand our fears;
you support and guide us;
and you give us courage to face whatever lies ahead.
Thank you for the gift of faith, a solid rock to support us,
and so we trust that you keep working, in ways seen and unseen,
for goodness to prevail.
God, in your mercy,
Hear our prayer.
Loving God,
in this time of when there is much to be anxious about,
we pray for the world you love.
Send your healing Spirit to bring peace with justice to the troubled places,
(name places currently in the news … )
Bring care and comfort to those who have been hurt in conflict,
wisdom to those who seek to end hostilities,
and courage to those who advocate for the most vulnerable.
God, in your mercy,
Hear our prayer.
Send your healing Spirit to mend relationships
between religious groups and cultural groups
who find themselves in tension or turmoil.
We pray for mutual respect to grow
between people who look at each other with suspicion,
and among people who have painful histories with each other.
Open our hearts and minds
to those whose situations and concerns we don’t understand,
and bring your gift of reconciliation to us all.
God, in your mercy,
Hear our prayer.
Send your healing Spirit to people we know and to the earth you love.
We remember before you friends in grief… (pause)
those suffering illness and all waiting for treatment… (pause)
those facing difficulty at work or finding work… (pause)
disagreements in our church or community… (pause)
concerns about the environment we depend on… (pause)
God, in your mercy,
Hear our prayer.
We pray for the continuing ministry of the Church
in our neighbourhoods and around the world.
As we move toward our celebration of Christ’s resurrection,
send your healing Spirit to raise our hearts and our hopes
with the promise of new life in Christ.
Restore to us the joy of your salvation and sustain in us all a willing spirit.
We pray through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who taught us to pray, saying:
“I’m okay because you took the time to fix us. We’re Timelords, we’re doing rehab out of order”
-The Doctor (15) to The Doctor (14) in the Giggle post bigeneration
How do we become complete? How do we find contentment, not simply complaceny. Do we often conflate a job (to pay the bills) or a career (that which gives us notice) with our calling/vocation (that which is our purpose we are created to do?). Theologian, and former Bishop of Newark, John Shelby Spong would take these ideas so eloquently written of by the Dalai Lama XIV (in The Art of Happiness at Work) to three phases of life looking to the first third or so being preparation for true vocation, then living the vocation, and then moving into the senior years, the reinvention of purpose (to paraphrase). It is the third movement we sometimes forget, and the second subsumed within survival (that during this era of greedflation can be easily seen).
Contemplating doing things out of order, and how we view purpose can definately come out of order. As we rewrite our story, to enter into complacent, yet not thrive for what we are designed for.
It is reflective at this time, for anyone who has ever gone through a disability season, short term you can return to your work you were doing.
But do we allow for a time to grieve the time lost?
What happens in the long-term disability claim which is up to 2 years after the 3 months of short term. It can have two endings, back to where you were, or something new.
Going back though the employer does not have to guarantee you your former role, so you enter into a new one in the same organization.
But do we allow time to grieve loss of the old role, and entry into the new?
Then there may be no ability to return to work, and where you were existing already between 55-60% of your monthly income, moving onto government disability entitlements which change your life, yet…
Do we allow space for grief of the loss?
Do we allow an honouring of purpose not tied to income?
The other journey, is in the midst of the ending of long-term disability, and not being able to return to that which you had known. A purpose that had shaped your identity even if you did not fully realize how much vocation does in our world. But the economic realities of life take precedent over the grieving process. As the LTD monies conclude, and not EI exists, how do you cover the costs of living? Finding new work? Leaping into the fray once more.
In some stories, leaping into the new vocation, then scant weeks of starting, a new shock–a global pandemic and pivot back to work from home.
Yet in the process of living into the new normal, back on the hamster wheel. Back into ensuring one can live no one realizes that it does happen backwards as 15 opened us up with, maybe not rehab but grieving for the moments in time out of order, for slipping in, no matter how the new role vocationally fits.
It does leave the journey in, how easily rewritten, was it true? Possibly and definately.
But…
What a world where there could be a few extra months,
Last mont in the Calgary Public Library’s Writer’s Circle exercise brought us a poem, this year’s brought a narrative piece with a character and holidays. The instructions was to pick a holiday (or create one), write about a character celebrating or experiencing it. Some action that represents the holiday for them. What came into my mind as my fingers clacked the keys, was my old character Jack Wolfe, and I pondered with this old pulp hero, what if, his happy ending had reached a crescendo, and so I share this ramblings…
It was the same each time a new one popped up. Lord knows there always was a new one, constantly every month, a long weekend. Some complained that it followed the “Christian” holiday calendar but when wanting to remove those stat days or long weekends no one ever proffered how to keep a rhythm of the days off, or even a rotation for religious/non-religious to support one another.
It was like grieving, which each of these days, he chuckles, sad to be in the week of Peace of Advent, the time of waiting-almost-feign not knowing what was to come on the Christian observance of the Solstice, with the birth of Jesus, drummer boys, shepherds, genocide, angels’ choruses, peasant girls and new husbands, immaculately conceived babies…
And the anger was new.
Usually, the holidays just brought tears.
But now he wanted to physically smash something.
Or was that a liquor store he had just passed on the bus?
Should he get off, c’mon Jack, why not, what is 25 years of sobriety.
Simply numb the pain with an old friend.
Stop is gone, slush under bus tires.
Not the same as other years.
Sitting in a pew, the church almost empty due to those who had not returned from the pandemic
A stranger in the pulpit, even that had changed since she had gone away
Gone away, what a euphenism
Who wanted to be with family, those who were all there in the time of loss
But like a human resources policy clockwork on funeral day after wiping down the counter from the tea and crumpets, nodded, hugged like tomorrow was a new day, and it was all going to be hunky dory.
A year of Church calendar life.
A year of stat holidays and long weekends.
A year of this day or that day of wonkiness and solemness they would always giggle about.
A week of Peace…
Yet, “Why the hell bother?” where was the hope Jack contemplated as the bus pulled past the church once again, maybe he’d be back…
It was a simple tweet last night, but one that really did sum up where our family is after almost four years of a rolled back existence (yes I know covid has only been 370 days– but there was health complexities that slowed our roll and disrupted our normal before that). Simply putting out there, that our home is quieter than it has ever been. We miss the open door, we miss the shared table, the discussions, the tears, the laughter shared by our family (yes biological and those that belong with us). Yet, even as we, as my wife phrases it, are getting tired of each others’ faces it speaks to something that Covid has laid bare in our world, society, communities and chueches. This goes beyond the polarized view in our Christianities or presented in the media. From beyond the local congregation struggles to understand and implement restrictions, or pretend faux surprise when they outright refuse to comply that there is consequences for their actions. Truly that has been the surprise twist in the story of covid, so many discovering that rights are shaped in communal responsibilitiy, and it is not a cancel culture but an accountability.
But I digress, for it is also seeing the challenge of our driven highly strutctured and booked world that came crashing down in covid. How do we actually connect with one another? The reality being that we had a busy world, where it was easy to trip into small talk with another, but were we connected? What does connection look like? What does it mean? As restrictions ease in Alberta, many churches are shifting to multiple services to cultivate connection again as we have missed gathering.
Is it connection? Or simply proximity?
My experience is porximity. We have cultivated a cultural dissonance, that being around people means we are connected. Taking the concept of not being physically alone, alleviates loneliness, which is not always true. It is the concept that to be together in community, means mass (or restricted gatherings), but if interaction is not there, is it truly connection? Some will remember my writings and teachings around the belonging pyramid, and the inverted structure supported by Agape. I think this is what is happening as we struggle with our disconnect from busyness, and our lived dissonance of what we believed belonging was. The light has shone into the darkness, and confused it. This is the soul fog we are existing in, and beginning to emerge from. The question though is our desire to return to normal, going to silence and sideline what can (re) emerge in our religious communities?
Will true belonging emerge?
What is being put out there is that simple accessibility is connection and belonging. No, being in the building together (and if a building is up to code being able to enter the building) is not connection. Having a space for the person is not connection (it is rudimentary inclusion). This is what passed for connection and belonging in our hyper-programmed/hyper-business cultivated Christendom in the before times. In the before times where we expected our spiritual leaders to be experts in all things strategic, knowing how to grow numerically, financially, online, and have the key plug and play programs to bring sucess. It cultivated an experience where we sainted the busy, where access and connection happened due to where you were plugged in and giving (experienced this many times in Urban churches, where what level of tithing equated to level of faux belonging, not always treasure/money but also time/talent). Yet, there was no belonging, because you are not valued for your intrinsic worht in the Imageo Dei only for what you can give. In other words, we mock politicians and business leaders that speak of human capital for driving worth, yet as Christians, we have exaclty cloned that belief system into action within our own communities (for some intriguing contemplative thoughts on the history of church, I have been enjoying Dr. Stan Helton’s Caravan series on the blog of my Alma Mater, Alberta Bible College. Read here.).
Belonging takes effort. Belonging takes risk. Belonging takes bringing our Boards/Elders/Pastors back to Christian Testament community. It is scary. It is challenging. It is affirming. It removes polarization/dualism.
It destroys the community sin of Us versus Them.
Which can be scary for it makes community fluid. Responsive to those who are there. It challenges both big and small T traditions. The key question is “why do we do this?” and if it comes down to “it is the way we always have done this” but removes belonging, should it remain? The greatest challenge in the shift, is that it blows wide open our concepts of the image of God, and what the table for Communion/Eucahrist means in bringing together the Family of God?
This mullings have come from rasing a diverse family in Churchdom. Knowing the blessings of being a part of many church families, my kids in pre-school choosing to be baptized a year a part on Palm Sunday because they knew the love of Jesus their Granny taught them to sing about in Jesus, Loves Me, and their Nana shared with them. That they felt in the church families, but also the pain and hate brought to bear upon them in various communities not accepting who they are in the Image of God, because it challenged the big and small T traditions. Also, as I reflect back in some communities, my worth only tied to that which I could give, and in instances where I had nothing more to give no longer being seen as worthwhile within the church (and yes this was experienced by all members of my family).
It is also a challenge, for with the program lens, it can be simply, if you do not fit somewhere, you will not have any social connection. Look at the church coffee or pot/grace lukck times. Is there interactions with many? Do you stay within the scope of the comfortable? It can be challenging when we look at belonging those steps beyond inclusion, those steps that blow accessibility out of the water. This is not a polarized idea stating one type of Christianities is better than another. I have journeyed through the spectrum. Over c-tine, I have witnessed the rise of upperclass privilige within progressive church circles that overlap into the Q-Anon cult, and lower socio-economic challenges in fundamentalism that have overlapped at the same point of the Q-cult that has shone a dark shadown out there that only certain folks matter in the family of God, and many are exependable.
And sadly, the refrain is not Jesus loves me, but boldy from the pulpit, if you die I’m okay for my rights mean more than your life.
It is a struggle within to understand if the still quiet voice being heard within and communally is the Holy Mystery, or our own ego run amuck. For even good can come out of darkness, and that is the hardest challenge.
Yet, I sit here and continue to mull, for I know my family’s journey of joy and sorrow, has shaped us. How we entered c-tine has shaped us. Sadly, entering into a new relationship with church having to be reaching out for benevolent aid so you do not lose everything shapes your reprehension in reaching out to connect. Coupled with it being the same week picking up food hampers for survival from a former parish you were a leader in, humbling, but shaping the wall of protection more. It is something many givers and program makers forget. Especially in church, the socio-economic lens, shapes how connection happens. We are thankful to have cultivated a healthy summer camp relationship with our daughter, but there was another that could have been cultivated by the institution was locked into their socio-economic lens and myth story that broke the relationship. Now, is needing aid breaking a relationship? No, I raise the example, for the shaping then is always the wondering if you are to reach out again will it shape the interaction? Good intents can also be, unfortunately, shaped in the receiving. When the only personalized connection from a church family is in regards to aid, and not simply being. Yes, it is good to reach out to help, but it does shape in the receiver an understanding of relationship dynamics (true or false). How to shift, I am simply raising the contemplation at this juncture.
For part of the risk of belonging, is that sharing the space together- cyber, phone, or physical. The scent in the film Lars and the Real Girl, when the ladies group from the church comes to be, nothing more. Always brings up the concept, that appears to be lost in our busyness cycle of urban church. The fear when we talk about going back to normal, was normal truly that functional for belonging? Or was it functional for celebrating behaviour addictions that did not risk connection, for with connection (belonging) comes the risk of emotion?
What I have learned from c-tine, is confirmation of where I have existed. What I mourn in c-tine, is facing into the cup, and seeing revealed the dissonance we accepted to simply have a butt in a pew. What I pray emerges truly out of c-tine, is not how church was in the before times. I truly pray, communities of belonging are cultivated, with all the beaufitul risks that come with it.
My scariest moment, is my family standing with me, to take the step forward to risk belonging, and answering the call fully.
We as a world are changing gears and being stuck in the cycles of grief most congruent with anger and denial. I believe, and have observed, as it is the only thing that makes sense for the rise of hatred, and entrenchment in our world that for my side to be right it must be wholly good, and the other side needs to be completely evil, and the majority that usually exists in the pragmatic middle in most belief/ideological spectrums need to be viewed as weak, traitorous or complicit. Those are some political thoughts as we are hopefully at the end of the Polar Vortex here in Alberta, with normal winter returning. Another sign, that the environment is trying to keep us moving slower to allow for space for more healing, I mean, the pandemic hasn’t slown us. In fact it has illustrated the rise of faux labels we apply for prestige or perhaps, attempting to cry persecution for what is simply accountability and expectations of good citizenship. The current thought world of dualism, has created this weird space, where we so desperately want to assert our independent rights, but do not want to take on the interdependent communal responsibilities that come with those.
When I would speak on the history of povery and homelessness in my province, it was a key challenging question I would lay out to the first year students:
How did you get here today?
Many would postulate good grades, and hard work. I would stop them short and challenge them, did you appear fully grown and educated? Was there no adults who provided guidance and the necessities of life for you? Did you build your own house? Dig your own sewers? Treat your own drinking water? Grow your own food? Write and publish your own textbooks? Train your instructors? Build the school?
In the literal sense, one of the few times I like using the literal, did you pour the road? Make the bus/car? Drive the bus?
You didn’t?
But you had just told me that you got here through your own hard work, nothing more?
It is a simple truth our world has lost. An understanding of community, at times such as now, a leaving behind of the before times that perpetuated this fallacy, it should be a moment of renewal. Yet… fear that drives anger and denial… stops us…and creates more chasms between, silos, and perpetuates things such as the QAnon CULT (yes, cult, not in the anthropological senses of any religion, but rather the 20th century mainstream understanding ala NXVIM, Branch Davidians, Raelians, Moonies, Jonestown) all the pieces that perpetuated those tragedies brought to life online, and to bear on Jan. 6 with their faux Messiah, Donald Trump, still flexing his rage muscles against accountability at his impeachment trial (but shouldn’t this also be a criminal matter? The world is watching).
But it touches on what has been noted in Alberta during the pandemic, yes some decisions can be and are driven by the science (though lacking the transparency of knowing the CMOH recommendations fully to the UCP governing caucus this is an unknown). What is apparent is there are pockets within our province, that keeps talking personal responsibility and education in regards to restrictions, 333 days in it is time for accountability. Whether the small pocket of church or business or Member of the Legislative Assembly (alohagate, Anti-Lockdown Caucus to name but a few), need to be held to account. Business and non-profit licenses pulled, the full organizational ticket levied, coupled with those in attendance receiving full charges and tickets for breaking health orders. In regards to the MLA’s that do not comprehend crisis leadership, communal support, and health orders, they need to be expelled from Caucus. FULL STOP.
Yet, we live in a bizzarro world, like an elementary school playground that plays appeasement for the bully, instead of accountability.
For some, they will point to trauma awareness or being trauma informed. Both these lenses are highly important for creating the courageous safe spaces for healthy change and healing of a world on pause. Wondering and readying for re-imergence and knowing what has been shown as smoke and mirrors of our society before. What these lenses do not stop is accountability. They do not let one now have repercussions for actions. They aid us in understanding the actions of the person, and how to support them in the accountability for what they have done. The appropriate applications of these lenses in our public schools would have continued the powerful work of WE Days and Challenge Days in Anti-bullying, creating healthier and safer communities, instead of tying the hands of those responsible for shaping the future of our youngest citizens and leaving the bullied with the bad maxim “snitches get stitches” as they know what they share there will be no aid. A true shift needs to happen, and not just policies and false platitudes, actual resourcing and capacities needed.
Just as we need in our public health system in the prevention to treatment to cure of all that falls under health umbrella for holistic beings (emotional, physical,spiritual and mental)–or as some may see it, a Medicine Wheel, as our Indigenous siblings would guide us away from a quick triage model to an interdependent living and healing model.
Which bounces back to the yo-yo effect of open schools during a pandemic, without proper resourcing. This is not only speaking to PPE, or staffing to lower class numbers to allow for breaks, and proper distancing. It is the rolling effect of quarantine of classes after exposure (reactive measures), the lie of resilience being put forward on our children. Yes, they can be, but true resilience, well watch the brains….
See? Understand? We are creating the space for perpetuation of a complex trauma due to our desire for Twitter byte driven policy and practice decisions as adults. Instead of actual robust discussions, and reality of what is needed to ensure health and true resilience within our youth, and the adults that support and facilitate their learning. The key reason I hold, is this drive of grieving where we are lost in this tantrum like a toddler, of “my rights” instead of “our community responsbilities to one another”…
The fatigue is showing, and so is the strain, and the ripple effects. Most notably with my boy, I do not blame his school, he was on recovery day from some of his neurological conditions with barometric pressure changes and missed school. On that day he missed, his very secure cohort for medically complex kiddos was exposed. His support crew in the cohort, and the larger school are exhausted (we know and feel this). We were not called as he was not there that day. In the actual protocols this was appropriate. In a system with proper capacity (seeing the actual human supports necessary for thriving, not the false argument on human services as a debit on the lie of debit-credit household budget banksheet budgetting for governance that our Conservative populist governments try to push), there would have been enough fresh eyes to make the call to those that were not there. For those that were not there, still had a choice, to understand it was safe for their child to come, but that they would have 1 aide, and be by themselves in the classroom connected to the others via video conference. The call was not made, my son went to school, he came home, and the first thing stated to me was “they all died” and then later “I don’t want any more dead buddies”. See, in my son’s lived experience, when his chums go missing for a few days from school, he has learned at his young age, and about 16-18 times, they are now at the Tea Party in Paradise (our analogy for death, and the afterlife, our tradition calls Heaven, we created when our kiddos experienced the loss of their Granny at 5 & 6 years old).
See where proper interdependence creates robust health? Creates space for calmness? For healing? Space, where trauma is minimized, and healthy choices can be made. In the case of my son, it could have been proactive discussions on what school was to be like, or to keep him home and function with the rest of his class online. Instead we are now in a fear and grieving cycle that disrupted his learning and kept him home for the 2 days before the Teachers Convention break, and we have made the choice he will return to class when the class does.
There is no malice. We as a community are in uncharted territory, and mistakes happen. The difference between a mistake and harm, is the intent.
Which leads me to share a simple reflection from reading this week of James L. Gorman’s (2017) Among the Early Evangelicals: The Trans-Atlantic Origins of the Stone-Campbell Movement, for those unfamiliar with this version of Christianities it is collectively known as the Restoration Movement (Churches of Christ, Christian Church, Disciples of Christ, and my undergraduate alma mater, Alberta Bible College). The book explores the formation of the founders, and their, what is classed historically as primitive, but read through a 21st century eye…ecunemical. The movements within missionary societies, key traditions/denominations (what corporations would call brands) such as congregationalists, Anglicans, Presbyterians, Baptists, etc. coming together on core values to accomplish, in this case evangelizing and building the Kingdom. It also touches on the challenges that began to arise, as the focus narrowed, and it became more about, what kept others out (perceived heresies) rather than what bonded.
Made me ponder, as we move through c-tine, and I re-affirm a calling to ministry (and some equipping to come, your prayers are appreciated). Through things such as the Religious Right, Alt-Right, QAnon, other conspiracy theories,Domnionist, anti-masks, anti-vax, anti-lockdown, sadly- white supremacist and Neo-Nazi movements, MAGA that have all become aligned and affiliated with evangelicalism and Christendom (the term for Christianities tied to political power, Empire since Constantine). That is even before we touch on the horrors of Jehovah Witness, Mormon, Roman Catholic and Quiverfull child abuse scandals, Fundamentalist Mormon trafficking across borders of minors, Residential Schools, Truth and Reconciliation for the heresy of the Doctrine of Discovery and Dominionism., and Churchtoo (ala Willow Creek, RZIM, Southern Baptist Convention, and the list goes on). Obviously some labels and brands are broken beyond recovery.
To paraphrase a teaching of St. Paul, if a name on a building or a label on a baptism certificate causes one to stumble (or a chasm be opened)– perhaps, it is time to let it go (and can you tell Frozen was played a lot in the house). As we move through c-tine, worshipping and connecting at a distance and online what is to be on the other end? Is it things such as Conservative or Orthodox? House? Institutional? Liturgical? High? Low? Primitive? Evangelica? Pentecostal? Baptist? Anna-Baptist? Emergent? Progressive? Creation Spirituality? Anglican? United? Victory? Red Letter? Salvation Army? Monastic? Gnostic? Mystic? Methodist? Alliance? Missionary? Holiness? Lutheran? Restoration? Missing any? (Probably quite a few).
But what if, we take a lesson from those who came to be in Jesus company back in the writings of the Gospels, or as reflected in Gorman’s work, or really the stories of saints and others. It is rarely an independent faith of one modality or formation. Rather it is interdependent community (family, chosen, sometimes biological) to grow in and with.Which brings me back around:
The challenge in church, is the same grieving as with society.
As we move forward, let’s draw the circle wide. Let’s grieve the loss, the change, the Transfiguration and then boldly step into it, not as fractured brands, but as a means together in renewal.
For me, what hit my heart as I thought of what can come as we let go, and prototype, a new term came clearly into view for the church ahead:
The Divergents.
Let’s become a beacon of healing, and doing life differently. Authentically, together in community, in the beautiful rainbow splendor of the Imageo Dei. Be the soul, that we were called to be for and of our world.
This past week, many have hit the c-tine wall. Lockdowns in some areas, restrictions in others, seeing neighbours die, and wondering if something will shift couppled with the sweeping cold of the polar vortex pushing us more into hibernation. One begins to wonder, ponder and mull.
As we rest in c-tine, what is the still quiet voice revealing about your experiences?
What calling is on your heart, and are you ready to step into it?
Yes, it can be a heady Christian Testament word for some. It is a gospel story of Jesus ascending a mount with his three closest friends, and being brilliantly illuminated through is deep connection with the Holy. Think of the image though, an ascent, a lifetime leading up to that point that included being raised working to poor class under Roman occupation in a town, where everyone knew that he was not Joseph’s son, and that his mother should have been cast out side the town limits or stoned to death, as he grew and re-connected with his cousin and baptized, but also spent time in the wilderness wrestling with traumas, insecurities, demons, spiritual matters, and overcoming the adversary within and without to focus on the journey ahead. One that would so upset the apple cart of societies functioning that political and religious enemies would conspire together to silence him through execution. The story of Lent to Good Friday in a snap shot. Yet, he continued his journey.
It is rather unique for our spirituals selves that the physical distancing of the Covid-19 pandemic comes to us during Lent, as we move towards Easter and Eastertide (and No, I do not believe like US President Trump that is when this should cease, life is too precious). The intent of the season’s is what I write of. The journey of transfiguration, connecting to our true being, both individually, and interdependently as a community–whether local or global.
This is the journey of change. We see glimmers of hope in this change. Calgary had started to use hotels/motels as housing for our neighbours experiencing homelessness, federally we are having real conversations around guaranteed basic incomes (and Scotland took the plunge); Ireland is showing the way in reclaiming public health from private hands at this time. Whether we acknowledge these concepts as Christian or not, is irrelevant, it is the journey of love of self and neighbour over things such as greed that is the driving force. Hope. Where do you see the glimmers of hope in your world?
In this journey though, we are seeing what happens in the stalling out of letting go of the old, and letting the new come to be able to move into prototyping as the U Theory tells us. I would say they are still those trapped in the Kubler-Ross grief spiral in the denial and anger, and that is harming as a whole, but also expected for change is scary, and the anger/denial is driven by fear of the unknown. Sadly, high death rates in pandemics and the status quo are what is known and one would rather stick to– that add to the uncertainty of the time, and leap into the unknown, and let come what may. Though we are at a tipping point for the change I would say into the prototyping of what will emerge out of this temporary new normal.
A book, that came into my mailbox as this started was a journalist turned minister, Ellen Debenport (2015), from the Unity movement, Hell in the Hallway, Light at the Doorway. It is a new metaphor of change, whether one is moving through economic, health, mental health, relationship, spiritual, all of the above or maybe others than mentioned. It may imply trauma recovery (from PTSD to Post Traumatic Growth as researchers are discovering, and I am living). It is sharing that in the journey, much like what I started with in the journey to the mount for Brother Jesus’ transfiguration, there is a hallway. It may be short or long, the door may lead us to a different hallway…though it is our willingness to journey in the hallway, to interact, become aware, and have an impact.
The other challenge laid out though is to also have a complete willingness not to accept the hallway as our new normal, but rather keep it temporary, and when the intrinsic Cosmic Christ leads us through the right door way, to be open and ready to enter into the new normal fully. Not to hold back due to our own denials, anxieties and fears. That is our story as community now, are we ready to be present in the current hallway, or if we haven’t already to step into the temporary hallway, to journey through, and and fully embrace the better that can happen.
That is do not yearn for what we stepped away from, but prepare for a better world where what is good from this time, the compassion, empathy, neighbourliness, kindness are held close as ideals and values. These are my prayers as I contemplate, celebrate, weep, feel my full emotions…and am apprehensive for my loved ones.
That glimmer of hope. The ascent of the mountain to the full transfiguration. The moving from death of the old, to the beautiful resurrection of hope, love, faith, peace and joy to come. Not as fixed calendar dates, but as moments, fixed in time and history, to a new world as we navigate the hallway and prepare to throw open the door to a brilliant new day.
The Jonah Effect is an earlier post reflecting on the minor prophet Jonah, and his story. Not just re-sharing that shows to one that you can come back to sacred stories and more than one reflection can grow out of it, as well depending on the time and moment in your life they can speak differently. Same is said of Jonah, and anomaly in that it is a story of a snap shot in the life of the prophet. A prophet called by God to go to the enemy Assyria’s capital city of Nineveh, and offer them not destruction but a chance to change direction. The same choice that Israel kept getting through the prophetic voices of the 12.
Jonah’s life becomes the prophetic message of transformation and hope. Of not getting lost in one’s own anger and denial, but in hearing clearly what God is whispering to screaming into our heart. Where Nineveh brings up the communal trauma, anger and hatred that the nation lived (1:2); it was Jonah’s refusal to see beyond his own anger and fear (hearing anything, about our own communal and institutional transformations? Changes? Personal and corporate callings?).
He charted a boat to escape, and as noted in the Jonah Effect, the storm so scared the sailors, they cast him over to which:
7 [a] And the Lord appointed[b] a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.
2 Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish,2 saying,
“I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice.
-Jonah 1:17-2:2 (English Standard Version)
Jonah wasn’t getting the hint. The change afoot. God saved him from Sheol, the warehouse of the souls that have gone before regardless of being righteous or unrighteous, simply a place of darkness. Out of this Jonah says God hears him. Out of the darkness of Jonah’s own soul, out of the hatred, fear, anger and denial in his grief cycle-change cycle of his own life? The life of his nation? Understanding more deeply, the Shema?
This time in the belly of the beast is an allegory used for the death time of Jesus in the tomb in the Christian testament. It is a time of rebirth and resurrection, not simply a retreat. The kernels of new life were laid, for the communal understanding. Not just one man in a fish. Vomited freshly onto dry land.
And the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah out upon the dry land.-Jonah 2:10 (ESV)
But even on dry land he was still struggling with his anger, and change. Jonah was outside the city gates with the tree, and a worm was sent to whither it to get Jonah back on track. Continuing to strip away what Jonah understood as blessing in the new world changing before him. Jonah’s anger has so consumed him again when he let it so consume him that, well…
8 When the sun rose, God appointed a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint. And he asked that he might die and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.”9 But God said to Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry for the plant?” And he said, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.”10 And the Lord said, “You pity the plant, for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night.11 And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?”
-Jonah 4:8-11 (ESV)
Think beyond yourself. Think beyond your anger. The bush became a metaphor for what the anger was doing to Jonah’s soul, given time to resurrect, and still he let it consume him. How hard, once released, is it to exorcise the cancer of anger from our souls? The writer, like with good fantasy and science fiction, uses hyperbole, brings elements of the world and creation (political and environmental) into play to create the interior conflict within the lead character, so that by the end, in good rabbi tradition, the transformation is left to the reader to experience with the deep Star Trekkian question, where should our pity lie?
Or to flip it,
Where should our love and hope root and grow?
Are we ready for the journey from fish to heart of the sacred?
Toby Keith has a song, As Good as I once Was, as it is a country party song about someone reminiscing to their bad old days of barroom fights we miss the wisdom. Yes, there is wisdom in a Toby Keith song for recovery or living with a chronic illness. It is not simply about aging, and how we change. It speaks of simple things, that as we change, we can be stuck in this grief cycle.
It is part of a learning curve, that I think the U Theory speaks to the best in the stages of change. You are different. You are not the same you once were, and yes as a result you need to refocus. Or as the U shows us, let go of what was, and begin to enter into what will be, and trying out the new yous to see what is truly emergent.
This is where recovery can stall out in the grief stages of hate and anger. We see that at a country level in America, but closer to home in Canada, Alberta has a quorum stalled out in anger and hate, because they are unwilling to let go. Let go of the “usetacould’s” or the “shoulds”…instead of looking at what is remaining of the cornerstone and building from there upwards. In my own journey yes there was high levels of frustration, and anger as I had to figure out what my brain was doing to me, there was also the focus on what mattered, and needing to reconfigure, and take the steps necessary to begin to understand who I was now, not grieve for who I was. As I struggled with focus in October 2017 at 80-90 seizures a day, I could have thrown out writing and reading as too much and just stayed in bed or on my couch. Instead I struggle walked (scared the living s-h-i-t outta my wife) up to the bookstore and bought a Star Trek novel, to struggle through to ensure, even though it was painfully long to read now, that I kept at the skills. To see what they would develop in to.
As I work on the sequel to Soul Ripples in real time, I asked some good friends to provide a forward, reflections on what this time was like. One good friend shared how I had never lost hope that I would get through it, and what was to come. In the moment I may not have realized it, but I did know change was happening and unconsciously was working through it. My PNES psychologist was shocked with the way I took to the treatment, it was due to a courageous safe space created by her and her student, but also this knowing of hope and wanting to see what was to emerge. It was relational based, like those who stuck by me and my family during this continuing journey (y’all are now family, not just friends by the way).
On day 101 of seizure free, I do not know what the future holds. I am still with my PTSD treatment in the letting go phase, and letting come of the U, but there is, and always has been, hope.
How different would our world be, if we let go of what we used to be, or the could’ve beens, and presence in the NOW for who we, and our world is? What has to be let go of? What has to let come? What is being prototyped? And what is being crystallized?
Paul Vargis
Ty
A book, that came into my mailbox as this started was a journalist turned minister, Ellen Debenport (2015), from the Unity movement, Hell in the Hallway, Light at the Doorway. It is a new metaphor of change, whether one is moving through economic, health, mental health, relationship, spiritual, all of the above or maybe others than mentioned. It may imply trauma recovery (from PTSD to Post Traumatic Growth as researchers are discovering, and I am living). It is sharing that in the journey, much like what I started with in the journey to the mount for Brother Jesus’ transfiguration, there is a hallway. It may be short or long, the door may lead us to a different hallway…though it is our willingness to journey in the hallway, to interact, become aware, and have an impact.
story of a snap shot in the life of the prophet. A prophet called by God to go to the enemy Assyria’s capital city of Nineveh, and offer them not destruction but a chance to change direction. The same choice that Israel kept getting through the prophetic voices of the 12.
It is part of a learning curve, that I think the U Theory speaks to the best in the stages of change. You are different. You are not the same you once were, and yes as a result you need to refocus. Or as the U shows us, let go of what was, and begin to enter into what will be, and trying out the new yous to see what is truly emergent.
A Monk's Musings 