Posts Tagged ‘PTSD’


Good Night,

Sleep tight,

don’t let the bed bugs bite.

-Ancient bedtime incantation against the blood sucking buggars

Image result for bed bugsBED BUGS! Feel it. That uncontrollable desire to itch or scratch? Don’t hide it. I know you did. I spent years being the go to in infestation control for multiple buildings. It is a creepy feeling. I have seen infestations so bad that there was a symbiosis created by tenant and insect, to the newest ones that are picked up in life transit.  We have all heard the news reports of the explosions of bed bugs on airplanes, in churches, movie theatres, low rent motels, high rent hotels, and schools. These are travelers, see bed bugs are searching for hosts. They love our carbon dioxide. The ones in public spaces are seeking a person to take them home. There is so many because 1000’s can literally be born in days. The female bed bug is impregnated by thousands of mates all at once, and births the babies in a cycle.

They are translucent until they feed. There source of food? Us. If there is a huge infestation, and they cannot sufficiently feed I have seen situations where they will feed on a pet, but usually a pet in used as a public transit mechanism for them to go to other places and spread their colonies. By what are they making a comeback so strongly in Canada? Well, we had them obliterated, unfortunately the chemicals used to wipe them out were also wiping us out via carcinogens. Dang it.

Image result for bed bugsBy mechanical function how early an infestation is detected states how many sprays are needed (minimum usually two). If you rent, the landlord in Alberta is responsible for footing the bill for the spray (sorry homeowners, its on us for our own). The responsibility of the tenant (and the infested if you own) is to promptly follow through on all instructions laid out by the pest control company to ensure the efficacy of the sprays.

Appears very simple. One notes like the picture above or less and calls in; or has noted 3 clustered bites (breakfast-lunch-dinner)together resembling small or large mosquito bites and calls for pest control (keep in mind not everyone shows bites, for the bite showing is an allergic reaction so you can be being feasted on and never even know it, it is why in communal living like hotels, condos, and apartment blocks random inspections help by trained pest control).

Yet this is not a simple carpet beetle infestation where carpet replacement or vacuuming will cure, or flour beetles that require cleaning and food disposal. This is a very intimate type of infestation and that can be missed is that part of the process is mental health supports. Sadly in 2013 in Montreal, a gent with pre-existing mental health conditions completed a suicide due to recurrent Bed Bug infestations. Though I can attest one does not need pre-existing mental health or health conditions to provide an unkind end.

Image result for bed bugsBed bugs get in your most intimate spots–truly. They disrupt sleep. They interrupt sexual relations. If you talk to others about it, they recoil and stigmatize you. See we assume bed bugs equate to dirty lifestyle or living. That is a fallacy. Bed Bugs are seeking food (us), they do not care if you are a hoarder or a minimalist, hospital clean or junkyard mucky, young, old, senior, Millennial, wealthy or poor. They just want your blood.

One would then think, well treatment happens it ends right. No, it does not, one is encouraged not to abandon their resident during treatment cycles as you are literally the bait to contain the infestation. Best case scenario, after two weeks it is free and clear with maybe a lingering of psychosomatic itchiness. Worst case scenario, multiple sprays and many if not all belongings disposed of to ensure reoccurence stops. Literally losing one’s life (material, or completed suicide).

What can this do? Lack of sleep is never a good thing for the human body. Isolation due to stigmatization is never a good thing. Fear of an area of the house (usually happens with where you sleep), but can happen with the whole residence. During treatment cycles, prep, stress, already existing mental health concerns can be exacerbated or new ones can be created: panic attacks to psychotic breaks are not out of the realm of possibility for a rather mentally healthy individual (recurrence after treatment has also been termed Post Traumatic Bed Bug Stress Disorder). For addictions, they can get worse and reach crisis levels, most prevalent being gambling, alcoholism, and drug use. One can also become more open to addiction symptoms to deal with the stress and trauma of the infestation. Sadly as well, pre-existing domestic violence can increase rapidly around this as the infestation can become the focal point of rage and blame.

Knowing that inspection brings people into one’s sanctuary (home); treatment brings others into the sanctuary and tears it apart; living with the buggars has its own terrors. Is it any wonder that mental health is something that needs to be navigated, acknowledged, and treated during and after this time? If we ignore it, we are simply ignoring what is right for our neighbour and ourselves.

Best pest control company I have worked with in Calgary is Martin’s Pest Control.

Image result for bed bugs

 

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613-Through the Looking Glass

Posted: January 9, 2019 by Ty in Spirituality
Tags: , , , ,

613 is my number, what is yours?

It is amazing the conversations one has as a parent, and then the journey it causes you to reflect upon. Before May 2016 sitting in an ER I never thought I would be here. See, growing up and throughout my life I admit to being socially awkward (to be kind), but there was something that always was wonderful, my mind. When it came to numbers it was something like Charlie on Numbers that the solution would come to me, but has no real idea what took me from problem to solution. My everyday mind would be able to focus on 3 or 4 tasks in front of me, while crunching solutions and dreams/plans for multitudes of other things (one of the main reasons I never took up this thing called driving).

It is the blessing of this mind, with my heart for changing the world that allowed the drive in school (and the multiple degrees earned and given honourary); building programs; running for office; editing and writing; book publishing; teaching; outreach work; mentoring; life coaching; spiritual direction; public speaking; pulpit supply; and the list can go on in my short life I had packed in multiple life times. Standing in the darkness and walking with those in the midst so they could come into their light. Discover who they truly were; teaching and facilitating others in discovering their passions and ways to make a living at it. I believe my life showed that you can chase dreams, and still hold true to your core values, not having to surrender who you are to make a difference in this world. At one point I looked back on my time in ministry and realized I had the opportunity to speak into nearly 1,000 young lives for the better.

But it started to shift in May and then October 2016 in the ER with weird brain activity, memory loss, chest pains and left-hand tremors. But I was told I was normal and fine, so carry on at discharge, after a day or two at home back at it. Back at the work of walking with folks to create home and community.

In the later part of 2017 as summer approached, professional and personal griefs/stressors were there. Waying on one’s spirit. I felt tired, and my brain was foggy. Like I had taught so many though, back to the daily practice, self-care, seeking out those who can aid you in debrief and carry forward, keep yourself healthy. And why wouldn’t I be tired? It was a phase, been there done that. My vocabulary, and understanding of some basic concepts began to fail me. Again, I looked back on what was happening with those in personal and professional life passing away, assumed it was a grief cycle (my son’s friend’s were passing away, always hard).

But then my birthday hit and the game changed.

Seizures (Grand Mal and absent), multiple in rapid succession. Lost memory and time. Not only in the now, but lost memories, I could not recall things. It kept happening, I became the ER’s daily flier if you will…and oh so cold, my body had gone hypothermic, in retrospect to protect my heart. Medical science couldn’t answer the question. Weird things being vomited out. Tests were toss ups.

But when the seizures hit, and I would come back so would the pain. The life of being a light in the darkness, but only the darkness would come back. Decades of being in the pain, looking back and having my mind lie to me saying that I was a failure, had not made a difference. My memories that would reboot, it was like an old DOS computer with dust on the floppy, the self-care wouldn’t come with it. My healing and growing of scar tissue was gone, it was rapid succession of the pain that cut to the very core of who I was. I tried to work through, my agency was wonderful in their support.

But I was not me. My beautiful gift, my mind, was failing. Things that I knew by rote, and was simple neurological muscle memory were gone, fog was constant, stabbing pains, tremoring arm, in ability to sleep, hypothermic and I won’t share how when I went down finally for health reasons the days of weird chemicals I had been exposed to expelling from my body (oh and the constant daily seizures, at one point almost 40 a day). Tests of the blood, body and brain, but the flashbacks persisted.

It wasn’t something that was expected. I had learned to take care of myself, to rely on supports, to keep healthy, to use vacation time and to chase passions. This was against the narrative. But it persisted. Advancing from basic neurology to complex, in hospital observational stays, and all the epileptoligists/neurologists looking at my brain scans and medical files to reach a decision on what was happening. Finally, in the last month or two having confirmed diagnosis, PTSD-PNES, and now due to the Third Way boondoggle that was Klein’s legacy, I wait for the aid to cure and move forward. In the meantime the seizures are not epileptic but bring all the fears of those types of seizures with them everything from falls to sudden death, with no medications that can be prescribed to control them.

With each seizure my number reminds me of where I have walked. 613 that is 613 in my life of family, friends, children, parishners, and clients I was unable to do more than journey with to the final transition to the next life. Most I was present for last rites or the passing or performed the celebration of life, if not all of it. In the travels I continue to use that which some may say is fruitless. Yet I persist. I pay the price for the persistence to keep going, I am not as good as I used to be, not even close…but I keep trying, working on myself while I wait.

This time I feel like Alice having stepped through the looking glass, or Kirk into the Mirror Universe. I have seen what the darkness unchecked has done to my soul. I know what the light is. I struggle to believe in myself once more for with each reboot I still have to work through the lies my heart tells me that I am a failure, for even if it is a simple spark I need to hold to it…that I make a difference simply by being.

What is your number?


An ancient fable is what the second letter to Corinth reminds me of, do you note the similarities as we go through?

wolves

Back and forth communication is what appears to be happening with Paul and the gathering in the Roman Colony of Corinth. It is intriguing as I am sure there is intergenerational trauma at play within the Freedman and Veteran, as well as complex PTSD. It is a struggle in their beings to be who they are meant to be, as the past has an insidious hold upon them. I hypothesize this existence based on the history of the area, and the Empire, but also that Paul opens up the second “official” letter not with harsh correction, but a gentle guiding pastoral hand (2 Corinthians 1). That is he points to the comfort in God.

Not only that, but that by doing the healing work, not only will it benefit yourself, but it will flow out to others. A mutual healing in a communal course change. As he points to his own struggle in not being able to come to the gathering just yet, he lays out some points of healing that have been misused (2 Corinthians 2):

Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him. For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything. 10 Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, 11 so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.

-Epistle of 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 (English Standard Version)

It is a weird twist when you think of the trauma this community is resting in. Paul writes that they are to forgive the sinner, yet is that truly at the heart? I love how he points out the chain reaction of trauma and pain that will happen. He also points out that harbouring the hatred is unhealthy for the whole community, the Teduray would call it a bad gal bladder, something that would poison the whole system. What Paul is pointing out is a process of truth and reconciliation. That is that the truth is known to all, it is something that cannot be hidden under a bushel or away. The community knows who he is, then they work to restore him to the gathering if the person is willing.

It is the journey of the New Covenant. Do not let poison of another destroy you. Speak the truth and the effect of the truth.

Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, as some do, letters of recommendation to you, or from you? You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our[a] hearts, to be known and read by all. And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts

-Epistle of 2 Corinthians 3:1-3 (English Standard Version)

The new covenant is one of wholeness, not rote rules. It is not a strategy, it is about values, it is not legalism, it is life. Paul is moving into a discourse laying out the differences using his frame of reference for the Laws given to Moses (2 Corinthians 3). We can take the mysticism words of pain out of the journey. Unfortunately due to the institutional Christendom (like Empire) that grew after Constantine’s conversion words like God, Jesus, Christ, and other religious language can trigger as much trauma, as Paul was writing to use them to comfort. It is why in Marian theology she is used in visions—no baggage due to the evil of humanity.

What it comes to though is Paul pointing to the wholeness that awaits for you. Whether it is through crystal therapy, energy healing, psycho-therapy, life coaching, dream work, spiritual direction, yoga, tai chi, etc… it is about having your true self written on your heart, not just in the documents the world uses to describe you. The true you.

The Love You.

The Heart you.

Who is the new Covenant you?

What is written on your heart?

The True you.


Okay so it finally happened. Pardon me while I fan-boy more than a little. Growing up one of my fav titles was Justice League International (then Justice League America and Justice League Europe); aside from G’nort, the cat, General Glory, Martian Manhunter and his Oreos to name but a few. What was remembered most fondly, and hardest to capture since was the camaraderie and fun of Blue & Gold (Blue Beetle & Booster Gold).

Then we enter into the fourth crisis issue, where friendship emerges, and Ted Kord is back in the blue (and alive). As we continue to go deep into who is the murderer?

Who has succumbed to the darkness?

What is happening with the coping of PTSD like symptoms, and with the Puddler source, what will the world think of their heroes humanized? Will mental health stigma still reign?

And Harley Quinn gets a partner in truth discovery, from an unlikely source in the damaged by Joker department.

TImage result for heroes in crisis #4o the hardest hits being what happens when a young hero who has grown older discovers that he has lost his friends. One that he just recently discovered he had regained- Garth (Tempest, Aqualad) does what many will do with pain instead of seeking aid. Crawl into a mind altering substance, for this swimmer the choice was into a bottle.

And Donna Troy (Wonder Girl) playing designated carry home.

But the most gut wrenching scene being Green Arrow and Black Canary in a very Ollie and Dinah scene honouring the life of Roy.

The human touches. Asking the deeper questions… what happens when the only way that a hero can find help is taken from them? What will happen with the fall of Sanctuary and the revelation that it was not anonymous– what effect will this have on the health of the holistic health of the heroes, the Trinity and the Justice League.

As Blue Beetle would say, for him it was having the one person you knew you could call and they would answer. Do you have that one person?

Who is your person?


We now enter a writing that may or may not have been written by Peter. For those that assume a Petrine authorship it was probably written around 64 CE before his execution, but there is a point on its leaning on Jude, which could put the writing anywhere’s from 64 CE to 150 CE in the city of Rome. It opens with this concept of communal discernment of calling.

 His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to[c] his own glory and excellence,[d] by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,[e] and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities[f] are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10 Therefore, brothers,[g] be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 11 For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

12 Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. 13 I think it right, as long as I am in this body,[h] to stir you up by way of reminder,14 since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me. 15 And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things.

-Epistle of 2 Peter 1:3-15 (English Standard Version)

Discernment and confirmation of path. A vocational path laid out for you. What we call today a life mission statement. This is more though of living out a way of life, and the curves and swerves it may take you on in the journey. It is a life though that can be used to lead individuals to compassion fatigue or burnout. For it becomes resting upon the “if you had more faith in the conviction that what you are doing is for the Kingdom it would not be draining.” It is a statement, or ones like it, “this is just how church is you get used to the bullies.” that remove the human element of service. The key piece being not that we are meant to do everything that needs to be done, but we are called into the vocation that is meant to bring us most contentment. Yes, we may need to take other paying work while we pursue a passion, but that in itself does not mean we are meant to set aside who we are created to be, and what we are created to do…simply because according to a hierarchy of need there is an assumption that we will fit here- i.e. women in the kitchen or young women in the nursery, men doing maintenance etc.

Then there is also the other trap though of following one’s vocational call and becoming a workaholic. Since it is an acceptable addiction within our province it can be overlooked easily by support networks. It is simply one driven or trying to make a difference. Yet it too can lead to compassion fatigue, burnout, or the drive, even with self care, eventually leading to an internalized trauma and crash. It can happen, it may not happen, but this is where strong supports come into play, and knowing that even with appropriate self-care, soul work and community one can still crash.

I reflect back on my call. It is a simple one of making my own corner a little bit better. I had and have quite a few passions as those who have been readers throughout my career can attest. I ran parallel careers of writer, speaker, teacher-instructor, spiritual director-coach, youth and young adult pastor, chaplain, housing manager, political policy writer, volunteer, shelter worker, vocational coach for persons with disabilities, student, dad, husband, and political candidate. For some it looks like a whirlwind, for me it was the pace of life, and I was working within the care of self. Then something neurologically happened in a heart whirlwind where some supports crumbled, and… I crashed… it is a long road back, but part of the long road back is the message by this writer.

Remember who you are.

It can literally be a battle through the convulsions and flashbacks. The crushing emotional lie of never having made a difference. Of being worthless. But it is a battle worth fighting when I look upon my kids and wife. Some days there may be a brief glimmer not to wake up, but it is ever only so slight. For I am needed. I am me.

Remember who I am.

For we did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17 For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son,[i] with whom I am well pleased,” 18 we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain. 19 And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, 20 knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. 21 For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

-Epistle of 2 Peter 1:16-21 (ESV)

Just like entering into the passage when Jesus gave the keys to Peter, you should replace Peter’s name with yours to remind yourself of the Original Blessing. That it is you who has been given the keys to the Kingdom within to live outwards and in conjunction with. Linked in Holy Love.

So to at the baptism when the dove game down as verse 17-18 here attest, you are the child who is beloved. Remember that, you are beloved for being simply who you are.

Remember who you are.

And be loved within.


(Before we dive in, a pause on daily practice, as I have shared many ways, one way is what is termed the Daily Office. It is different moments of pausing in the day and entering into Communion with the Holy. A link to one type is here. As it is liturgy, it means work of the people, it gives a form that you can adapt to what works best for you going forward.)

You find that thing that ties you to the ancestors and elders. Allows you to centre in your present you. But it is not about dwelling in the past, but learning, growing and moving forward. Changing, transforming, becoming a better you. We have seen this with my daughter discovering her Aboriginal roots, and growing in confidence to who the Holy Mystery is within her. My son, rooted in his Christianities, and truly resonating within the Presbyterian denomination exuding his love. For me it is going back to my monastic roots, for even before vocation, they shaped me on the journey of discovery of the Holy Mystery in life trekking through many spiritualities and formations including Shamanism, Druidism, politics, monotheism, Eastern Spirituality, and philosophy. Growing roots deeply, while blossoming where one stands.

Jude, a servant[a] of Jesus Christ and brother of James,

To those who are called, beloved in God the Father and kept for[b] Jesus Christ:

May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.

-Epistle of Jude 1-2 (English Standard Version)

Jude, was a student and scribe for the Apostle Peter. An apostle is one that breaks new ground, goes where others fear to tread. Jude was one of two noted in the stories of the Christian Testament with Peter (the other being John Mark). Jude by tradition is known as the Saint of Lost causes, which is entertaining for the history geek when you figure he was in Rome during the executions. Scholars also note that Pseudo-Peter of the Epistle of 2 Peter leaned heavily on Jude’s influence. Jude was writing between 64-68 CE; he is also noted as being of the family of Mary of Nazareth. Some will say half-brother of Jesus, as he is a brother of James, but let’s be honest…he is a brother of Jesus the false divisions to keep up the pretense of perpetual Virginity of Mary is nauseating. Jude is also the third shortest Epistle within the Christian Testament (after 2 John and 3 John).

We enter into Jude that again looks to false teachers, and being in it for the wrong reasons:

Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints. For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Now I want to remind you, although you once fully knew it, that Jesus, who saved[c] a people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. And the angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the great day— just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire,[d]serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.

Yet in like manner these people also, relying on their dreams, defile the flesh, reject authority, and blaspheme the glorious ones. But when the archangel Michael, contending with the devil, was disputing about the body of Moses, he did not presume to pronounce a blasphemous judgment, but said, “The Lord rebuke you.” 10 But these people blaspheme all that they do not understand, and they are destroyed by all that they, like unreasoning animals, understand instinctively. 11 Woe to them! For they walked in the way of Cain and abandoned themselves for the sake of gain to Balaam’s error and perished in Korah’s rebellion.12 These are hidden reefs[e] at your love feasts, as they feast with you without fear, shepherds feeding themselves; waterless clouds, swept along by winds; fruitless trees in late autumn, twice dead, uprooted;13 wild waves of the sea, casting up the foam of their own shame; wandering stars, for whom the gloom of utter darkness has been reserved forever.

14 It was also about these that Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied, saying, “Behold, the Lord comes with ten thousands of his holy ones, 15 to execute judgment on all and to convict all the ungodly of all their deeds of ungodliness that they have committed in such an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things that ungodly sinners have spoken against him.” 16 These are grumblers, malcontents, following their own sinful desires; they are loud-mouthed boasters, showing favoritism to gain advantage.

-Jude 3-16 (ESV)

Jude, as with Peter, takes the gathering back through the history they are tied to. Jesus was Jewish, the story of Israel was universalized through the gospel of hope, peace, faith, joy and love. This is Jude reminding those undergoing exclusion that their story is a strong one. Taking them back through their history as part of their formation. The moments like some have noted with mental health such as PTSD or Schizophrenia that in the midst, and after, one comes to a deeper holistic spiritual self. This is the path in the labyrinth that Jude is laying out. It looks like a lost cause, but it is not.

17 But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. 18 They[f] said to you, “In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.” 19 It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. 20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. 22 And have mercy on those who doubt; 23 save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment[g] stained by the flesh.

-Epistle of Jude 17-23 (ESV)

It is knowing and discovering one’s roots anew. From the roots, growing a strong trunk so that branches and leaves can grow anew. A time of pruning happens in every season, for it is in the pruning that dead and not necessary beliefs of self and community can be sheared away so the new can replace.

Jude wrote, as the Empire was preparing to destroy the past in a few years and raise Jerusalem. It was time to remember the past, before it was lost. Much like we struggle today with looking back on our own people’s history with a 21st Century moral lens. The challenges is to see the good and the bad, acknowledge, and critically assess. The truth is in the complete story, not sanitized of what happened. For then, we can root out the cause of the gremlins and saboteurs throughout our generational story, and our current present.

Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, 25 to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time[h] and now and forever. Amen.

-Jude 24-25 (ESV)

Once rooted out and pruned.

We grow new.

And move forward with new life.

What pruning do you need to do?

 

 

 

 


Created with Kryptonian Crystal technology; Batman ingenuity and Wonder Woman’s compassion it is Sanctuary. A place where heroes can come to heal from the unseen wounds inflicted on them in the life. The grief, the traumas, the vicarious traumas or the simple processing of the WTF moments. It is a place that gives you what you need most and to be where you need to be most to hopefully become whole once more.

Until something goes wrong.

King and Mann’s Heroes in Crisis has been a brilliant series thus far in removing the stigma of human services mental health issues for the workers. Let’s be honest, if Batman and Superman can let down their masks and seek help, then so can we. The murders.

But is it real? One does not know as we go down the murder mystery rabbit hole. But this issue’s real story is Wally West, he was the 3rd Flash in the pre-New 52, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earths DCU. Wally was a cocky fortune seeking side kick that grew into a super hero as he took up the mantle of Barry Allen who died to save the universe at the end of the Crisis. Wally was a hero of my generation (and yes he was my flash). It was the story that saw Jay Garrick (Flash One) become a mentor; his future nephew Bart Allen as Impulse; other speedsters- the Zen Speed Master, Max Mercury; and the Quicks (Jesse and Johnny), it was a series that showcased the beauty of the legacy super hero heritage. It also featured the Rogue that became a hero in Pied Piper (and the greatest casual scene ever, way before its time, when Harley comes out to Wally as gay).

But at its core the family became real.

To escape the Speed Force, Wally realized his lightning rod- Linda Park-West, his wife. His soul mate, that which made him better. They would become parents of meta children- Jai and Iris.

Then Reverse Flash and Barry Allen (yeah he finally returned from the dead literally Image result for heroes in crisis #3decades later) created Flashpoint— and the New 52–time was lost– and no more Wally West. Then Rebirth…and Wally is back….

But…

No kids.

No lightning rod.

It appears Wally is a victim of the murderer at Sanctuary. Where he was working through his grief at loss of his whole family. Grief at loss of literally his whole universe. Being in a world that he was not just a man out of time (New 52 removed 5 years of comic time); but literally out of multiverse.

His line is tell:

Image result for heroes in crisis #3

I didn’t want to be alone. The simple refrain of grief. The learning on how to move forward into the new reality before you.